


Just A Night

by HallowsEve



Series: Blurred Lines [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Dirty Talk, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Guilt, Infidelity, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2018-08-13 07:36:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7968076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HallowsEve/pseuds/HallowsEve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is cheating on Steve. He can admit it now. It’s hard to deny when your body aches so deliciously and the man who made it so is still sleeping right next to you. But then, who opened the door? Oh…right…Steve. – AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's On

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to part 3 of this series I didn't know I wanted to write. ;-) This is going to be a chaptered fic so after this first chapter (which was written more like another short one shot), you will be getting full length chapters from me. I have ZERO clue how long I want this to be so I can't say for certain. I have a quick mental outline in my head, but until I start to get it out, I won't know. I'm guesstimating around 10 chapters, but again, that is up in the air. For those of you who are subscribing, I will be adding tags & characters as they appear as to not ruin the surprise of what's coming. Please let me know what you guys think. Thanks!

There was a line in the sand. On one side, Tony was a faithful boyfriend. On the other side, he was a cheating asshole. He’d spent 6 months straddling that line, watching it blur until he couldn’t tell exactly what side he stood on anymore. Until now. He couldn’t deny it now. Not when he was on his back, in bed, legs wrapped tightly around Bucky’s thrusting hips and hands buried in Bucky’s shoulder-length dark locks with their lips fused together.

It was everything Tony expected and yet nothing like he expected. He thought it would feel amazing to have Bucky inside him, but he never expected the feeling of completeness. God, he felt so complete in a way he’d never felt with anyone, not even Steve. And fuck all did that hurt to think about. Which was why he wasn’t. Instead he let his mind blank and focus on the amazing feeling of Bucky inside him.

“Tony!” Bucky gasped against his lips, his hips slowing down their pace from a quick and hard tempo to a slow and deep ride. It made every hair on Tony’s body stand up. The slow drag against his prostate and the slight pull on his rim. Let it not be said Bucky didn’t know how to make a man squirm.

“Bucky! Fuck! You feel so good.” Tony’s head pushed back into the pillows, his feet digging into the perfectly pert ass of the man above him.

“So tight around me. Better than I imagined.” Bucky kissed down Tony’s left cheek to his ear and tugged the lobe into his mouth. Tony squirmed with a whimper beneath him. He hated how quickly Bucky figured out his sensitive spots. It was unfair that Bucky could read him like a book whereas it took him a little longer to find the soldier’s, but that just convinced him he needed to try harder.

“Faster. Please, god, go faster!” Tony pressed his heels against Bucky’s ass again at the same time he thrust this hips up. He needed to come like 10 minutes ago when this whole thing started. When the men somehow decided to sit on the edge of the bed instead of on the chairs. Neither one spoke about it or suggested it, they just somehow managed to decide simultaneously to sit there. And almost simultaneously decided that watching and faint touches no longer worked. Tony honestly couldn’t say who moved first. They probably both did. Months of their game made the temptation too great and before Tony could even process what he was doing, he was on his back begging Bucky to fuck him. No prep, only lube. He wanted the burn. He wanted the pain. He wanted that damn line of pleasure and pain blurred so hard. And it was. So deliciously so.

“You want it faster, baby?” Bucky smirked against his neck like the arrogant dick he was. “You want to come on my cock?”

“Yes, yes! Fucking YES!” Tony attempted to thrust his hips faster, but a metal hand gripped his hip tightly and forced him to stop.

“Tsk, tsk, you’ll take what I give you, slut.” Bucky bit at his pulse point and Tony was so far gone he couldn’t even think to warn Bucky against something like that. “You’ll come when I’m ready for you to come.”

“Please, please, Bucky, please. I need you so bad. Don’t make me wait anymore.” Tony whined, but honestly, there was truth in it. He couldn’t wait anymore. Another minute would be torture. He had dreamt about this so many times and he just needed to feel the distinctive pulse and warmth flood him.

Bucky pulled his head from Tony’s bruised neck and pressed his forehead against the engineer’s, licking his lips. “Okay, baby, I got you.”

Tony closed his eyes against the sting behind them. He was never an emotional person during sex. He wasn’t that person who felt like their soul was being lay bare for the other, but he felt that at this moment. That if he kept his eyes open Bucky would see just how much he had come to mean to Tony. And Tony hated himself more than he could ever admit for that. He hated that he had fallen in love with Bucky, but he had. The snark. The attitude. The past. It all. Somehow he had fallen for his own boyfriend’s best friend and it fucked him up on a whole new level.

“I got you, baby, I got you.” Bucky whispered against his lips, kissing them so softly and gently as his hips thrust harder and deeper. Tony cried with each thrust in absolute pleasure and completely oblivious to the tears that were now leaking from his clenched eyes. “You’re so beautiful.”

And that did it. The utter awe in Bucky’s tone pushed Tony passed the tipping point and he clamped around Bucky hard, his channel, his legs, his arms. Everything tightly held Bucky against him as his entire body shook with the intensity of his climax. A climax so strong he didn’t even realize that Bucky has stilled and with a grunt was coming inside him.

Letting Bucky go was the hardest thing Tony had probably ever done. Even though he was simply rolling over to the side, it felt like a physical cut to his heart. Now that they were sated and coming down from their pleasure induced high, reality was setting in. A hard, painful reality. Tony had cheated. Fuck, he _had_ been cheating, but this was just that final nail that really solidified just how much he had fucked Steve over.

“We have to tell Steve.”

Tony startled when he realized that the scratchy, watery tone that had just spoke was his own. His hands immediately flew up to his face and he hid the blush of shame at the tears he felt.

“I know.” Bucky sighed and Tony could actually hear the man rubbing at his face with his hands. No doubt feeling equally as shitty as Tony did. Maybe more. Maybe less. At that point it didn’t matter. “I don’t regret this.”

Well, Tony certainly hadn’t been expecting that. That much was obvious when he turned his head and stared at Bucky in shock.

“I know it’s messed up and Steve’s my best friend, hell, he’s like a brother to me, but I don’t regret this, Tony. I don’t regret you at all and I need you to know that.” Bucky turned onto his side and Tony felt his metal handle cradle his face as if it were something so precious.

“He didn’t deserve this.” Tony whispered painfully, clenching his eyes against more tears that wanted to fall.

“No, he didn’t.”

“He’ll hate me.” Tony opened his eyes finally and looked at Bucky with self-deprecating smile. “He’ll hate me and I will be the asshole who ruined Captain America and the Avengers.”

“No!” Bucky’s hand tightened it’s hold just slightly, but enough to draw Tony’s focus. “He won’t hate you. Steve’s not like that. He’ll understand.”

“You’re so sure.” Tony scoffed and pushed Bucky away. He ignored the slight pain in his ass and the feeling of the Bucky’s come escaping his body and down his leg in favor of finding solace in his bathroom. He needed to think. He could fix this. He _had_ to fix this. That’s what he did. He fixed things.

“I am.” Bucky’s voice startled Tony as he had not heard the soldier following him into the bathroom. Then again, he had been an assassin and stealth was sort of necessary for that task. And that fact shouldn’t make him hotter, but unfortunately, it did.

Tony wiped at his stomach with a wet wash cloth and angrily tossed it into the hamper when it didn’t erase the guilt. Or the shame. Or the bruising on his body. Fuck. He was so incredibly fucked.

“He might forgive you, Barnes, but he won’t forgive me.” Tony faced Bucky, ignoring the man’s glorious body and focusing on his face instead. “You have that whole brother, until the end of the line thing going for you. Me? I’m just a piss-poor substitute for my dad.”

“You think Steve dated you because you’re Howard’s kid?” Bucky crossed his arms and raised a dark brow daring Tony to say that there was some type of romance between Howard and Steve. They both knew it was complete shit. Howard had been a total ladies’ man and chased skirt at every chance until he met and married Maria. The only thing Steve and Howard shared was mutual respect.

“It doesn’t matter. I fucked up. I did the one thing that literally every person told me not to.” Tony steeled his nerves and hardened his jaw. “I had Coulson, Fury, Natasha, hell even Pepper threatened me not to hurt Steve and what did I do?”

“WE did.” Bucky interrupted. “WE hurt Steve. You didn’t do this alone. Hell, I’m probably more to blame.”

“No one will see it that way.” Tony scoffed. “Trust me.”

Bucky ran his hands through his hair frustrated with their conversation. This wasn’t exactly how he imagined the post-sex cuddle going. He had hoped they’d just fall asleep and ignore the world for at least a few hours.

“It’s late, let’s just get to bed.” Bucky held his hand out to Tony and looked at the man expectantly. When Tony simply stared, Bucky grabbed his wrist and pulled the man towards the wrecked bed and forced Tony to lay on his side and pressed up against him so they were spooning. It was nice. Tony hated it. He didn’t deserve nice.

“We’ll worry about this tomorrow.” Bucky whispered into the dark. “We’ll face this together, Stark, because I’m not letting you go.”

Tony didn’t respond. He didn’t need to. Despite his bravado an attitude, they both knew that Bucky knew Tony was in love with him. And they both knew that Tony knew Bucky was in love with him. As fucked up as it was, they had fallen in love and despite what it meant for their team, they both wanted to be together.


	2. It's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds out and Tony can't shut up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delay. Somehow I ended up writing the next chapter before this one. Oops. Either way, 2 chapters, 1 day. Savor it. ;-)

I’m sorry.

Such small words for such great feeling.

Tony and Bucky had intended to tell Steve. They were going to sit him down and rationally explain the situation like calm adults. But that plan went right the fuck out the window when Steve surprised Tony, and by default Bucky, with his early return. He had expected to find Tony passed out in bed. Not spooning with his best friend, completely naked and covered in love bites and light bruises. Bites and bruises which left absolutely nothing to the imagination as to what happened.

The slam of the door had woken Tony and Bucky. Bucky, ever the soldier, looked around to assess the threat. Naked or not, he could easily kill a man without much effort. Any other day Tony would have found it adorable, but not today. Not when he immediately looked to the door and saw a familiar well-loved Army green duffel. Steve’s duffel.

“Oh shit.” Was all Tony had said as he flew from the bed, frantically searching for clothes. Clothes which were strung about the room in a distinct “just torn and tossed” fashion. Awesome. Because that’s what Steve needed beyond seeing those two in bed, to see Tony and Bucky’s clothes just tossed about the room as though they couldn’t be ballsed to remove the items like calm adults. Then again, they hadn’t been. It had been completely spontaneous and unexpected.

Locating Steve had taken zero effort. There was only one place the man would go when he was upset – the gym. As expected, there he was in his ruffled adorable fashion just pounding away on a bag, no doubt pretending it was one of the two men who were now standing in the doorway staring at the blonde soldier with an air of trepidation about them.

“I’m sorry.”

Well, Tony certainly hadn’t expected that to be the first words out his mouth, but hey, it worked. Start off remorseful.

“How long?” Steve asked, his back turned to his lover and friend and arms still frantically punching the bag. It appeared it would have taken more effort for Steve to actually stop than continue on.

“Last night.” Bucky replied, not even pretending to not understand him. Though, perhaps Steve didn’t exactly mean how long they had been literally sleeping together, but he wasn’t about to offer up information not asked.

“Really?” Steve’s tone was skeptical as he turned to face the two men, his beautiful face flushed with anger. “Just last night?”

“Uhhh –“ Articulate Tony! Awesome job!

“So longer than last night.” Steve nodded, biting his bottom lip and clenching his fists.

“Last night was the first night we had sex.”

Tony knew his words offered up more information when Steve’s eyes widened angrily and Bucky wiped at his face with a sigh.

“How long have you two been sneaking behind my back and screwing around?” Steve’s voice steadily rose with each word.

“We never touched each other’s dicks before last night. Just watched and some other non-dick touching.” Okay, that’s it, someone sew Tony’s mouth shut because apparently the man couldn’t seem to only respond to questions asked. Seriously. Like, what the absolute fuck, Tony?

The choked sound Steve made was reminiscent of a dying animal and perhaps in another situation would have been hilarious and mock worthy, but neither Tony nor Bucky found anything to mock. Not when Steve’s eyes clouded over with pain and sadness. There was nothing funny or mocking about that.

“I’m sorry.” Tony repeated uselessly. As though those two words would just undo everything.

“Sorry?” Steve sneered in a way that even put Bucky’s hackles up. Instinctively he stepped slightly closer to Tony to shield him from any threat. “You’re sorry? For what? For fucking around with my best friend behind my back or that I found out?”

“Steve! Language!” Christ almighty, Tony! But in his defense, that was sort of ingrained in him to mock the super soldier for language seems he so rarely used foul language.

“Tony, shut up.” Bucky quietly mumbled from his side before turning back to Steve. “I swear, Stevie, we were gonna tell you.”

“When. Did. This. Start?” Each word was a forced calm.

“Last night was the first night we had sex.” Bucky flatly retorted, raising his hand when Steve opened to interrupt. “We began masturbating together, just watching, 6 months ago.”

Steve looked away, shaking his head. His eyes focused on nothing and yet everything, but Bucky noticed he studiously avoided looking towards them. He knew this Steve. He knew this angry I’m on the edge of losing my shit, Steve, and quite frankly, it worried him. He didn’t want to fight his best friend. Hell, hurting Steve was the last thing Bucky ever wanted to do, but he would if he needed to.

Thankfully the blonde seemed to gain some control over his anger and instead turned around, punching the punching bag one time, but with enough force the bag split up the side and sand came pouring out. He stared at it blankly.

“6 months.” Steve whispered. “That’s great. Just great.”

Tony took a step forward, desperate to run to the blonde and wrap him in his arm and just kiss away his pain. “Steve –“

“Don’t!” Steve hissed, raising his hand and stepping away. “Just…don’t.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” Tony mumbled despite his brain screaming at him to just shut up. “I never meant to hurt you, Steve. I love you so much and –“

“No, you don’t.” Steve interrupted softly. “Not if you two are doing this.”

Tony opened his mouth to argue because fuck you very much, Steve, yes Tony most certainly did love him, but nothing came out beyond a choked groan.

“Jesus, did you ever love me?” Steve turned his head towards Tony, blue eyes cold and accusing. “Or what? Was I just some fun for you?”

“That’s not fair, Stevie.” Bucky angrily responded. Tony stood frozen in place, head shaking and brown eyes watering. “No one used you.”

“Or was I just too boring in bed for your tastes?” Steve continued on as though Bucky hadn’t spoken. “What was it that turned you to him?”

“I love him.” Tony’s words were so soft, nearly inaudible, but Steve caught it. Of course he would, super soldier hearing and all. And Tony knew it because all fight left Steve. His posture slumped and his eyes clouded with tears. Hell, even that perfect gorgeous bottom lip quivered and it absolutely killed him. He did this. He did this to one of the men he loved.

“Well good for you.” Steve scoffed, wiping at his tears angrily before reaching into his pocket and pulling out an item. Tony barely caught it when Steve chucked it to him. Seconds later Tony gasped when he noticed he was holding a small black box. A distinctive black box. A ring sized black box. “You might as well keep it because Lord knows I’ll never want to look at it again.”

"Steve –“ Tony whispered, looking up to his love with pleading brown eyes, just willing him to understand. Pleading with him to see that Tony did not mean to hurt him. He would rather die than hurt Steve, but it didn’t matter because Steve wasn’t looking at him. No, he was looking at Bucky as though he had never seen the man before in his life.

“Go ahead, I can take it.” Bucky held his hands out in welcoming gesture, welcoming Steve’s wrath. He’d rather it be on him than on Tony anyway.

“You were right.”

Well, that was certainly unexpected.

“You have said to me countless times that you aren’t the Bucky I knew.” Steve’s tone was sad with a hint of nostalgic. “That the Bucky I knew was gone and I never once believed that. Not once. I have always said you were the Bucky I have known and loved since the day you found me in that alley. I never believed it, until now.”

Bucky grit his teeth and clenched his fists, willing the stinging in his eyes to hold at bay. He couldn’t break. Not right now. Not when he was the only one in the room barely keeping it together.

“You’re absolutely right. The Bucky Barnes I knew would never have done this to me. He would have never betrayed me and gone behind my back and taken the man I love. He was like a brother to me and would have died before ever hurting me.” Steve let out a choked cry, his face contorting in grief. “You’re absolutely right. My Bucky Barnes, my best friend is dead.”

Neither Tony nor Bucky stopped Steve when he rushed past them, fleeing the room like a man fleeing his death. Bucky’s eyes remained glued to the spot his best friend had been standing, his heart reeling and breaking. Tony stood staring at the small box in his shaking hands, unsure if he should open it, or throw it into a river. Apparently open seems his hands did just that.

The ring Steve had chosen was nothing short of perfect. The vibranium band shined like his shield and in the center rest a black diamond inlay with the metal. Something simple from a distance, but with a little flash up close. It was perfect. Of course it was, everything Steve did was perfect. Being the masochist he was, he removed the band from the box and looked at it closely, his heart stuttering when he saw the inscription inside. “Always yours, Capsicle.”

Fucking perfect asshole.

* * *

Steve was gone before nightfall. Tony only knew because Jarvis told him as he sat in his lab, wallowing in his grief in the safely of his locked up (privacy protocols engaged of course). Bucky sat next to him, but neither man touched. It felt more like betrayal than anything they had done up to now, to touch while Steve was in the building, hell even in New York. Like he’d somehow know they couldn’t wait for him to leave and though it was totally irrational and stupid, Tony didn’t care.

“Captain Rogers has safely landed at the SHIELD Headquarters in Washington DC, sir.” Jarvis startled Tony from his thoughts. Damn that Maria Hill and not-so-dead Phil Coulson for starting it up again after Fury was “killed.”

“Thanks, J.” Tony cleared his throat and looked over at his other super soldier, hating the way the man’s face looked so cold and impassive. It was something, Tony learned, he only did when he was trying very hard to keep his emotions in check. He hated seeing any hint of Winter Soldier on him. “Well, today was awful.”

"No shit.” Bucky nodded, focusing down at his metal arm that was resting in his lap. “Guess we should’a seen this coming.”

“Probably.” Tony nodded, pursing his lips.

“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt, but Miss Potts is demanding to be given access to discuss what she deemed to be ‘highly time sensitive’ information.”

Tony closed his eyes and cringed. Here it came. The first person to go off on them for breaking Captain America’s heart. He wanted to refuse, but knew it would only piss Pepper off more and quite frankly, they didn’t need to add any more gas to that fire.

“Let her in, J.”

“As you wish, sir.”

Moments later the door opened and Pepper walked in. Her spine was straight and her face impassive. Tony knew immediately she was deliberately trying to keep from snapping at Tony and was on the precipice of failing.

“I’ll give you some privacy.” Bucky shot Tony a small smile, hoping to leave before Pepper could kick his ass. Brain washed assassin or not, Bucky had nothing but respect, and some fear, for Pepper. She was a force to be reckoned with when angry. She didn’t survive being Tony’s right hand woman for as long as she had just based on her looks.

“Not so fast.” Pepper snapped, pointing back to the seat Bucky was trying to vacate from. “This includes you too.”

Tony snorted to muffle his laugh when Bucky’s ass firmly planted back on the seat like a child being scorned. “Pepp –“

“Not right now, Tony. Can we please just get this over with?” Pepper sighed, sitting down on the chair across from them, pushing a folder across the table between their positions. Bucky leaned forward to pick it up when Tony just stared at it like it would magically start talking.

“What is this?” Bucky asked, eyes glancing through what appeared to be a statement.

“Tony and Steve’s official statement to the press about the end of their relationship.” Pepper’s tone was flat, but Tony still caught the hint of anger that was simmering below with just a twist of disappointment. It hurt.

“Jesus, Pepper, we just split.” Tony snapped, ripping the paper from Bucky’s hand and reading it over. “’Mutual decision, amicable split, focused on Avengers first’? What the hell is this?”

“Your statement.” Pepper didn’t even flinch under Tony’s hard gaze. It only seemed to steel her nerves more. “I already spoke to Steve and he signed off on it, so I just need you too as well.”

“Stevie approved this?” Bucky asked in disbelief. Pepper’s gaze turned cold as she glanced at Bucky.

“Yes, Mr. Barnes. Steve reviewed it and made some changes. This is the statement after his review. He wanted to ensure the public knows this will not affect the Avengers.” Pepper clasped her hands on her black pencil skirt covered lap. 

“So it’s official?” Tony asked, still staring at the paper. He hated it. It made it too real. “It’s official official that Steve and I are done.”

“What did you expect, Tony?” Pepper couldn’t keep the disbelief out of her tone.

“I don’t know, but a statement not even 24 hours later isn’t it.” Tony tossed the paper on his table, and stormed off to his bar cart to serve himself 2 fingers of whiskey. He needed to be drunk for this shit. He was too immature to adult right now.

Pepper rolled her eyes and continued on. “In addition to the statement, you two are to not go public about your relationship for at least 6 months or until Steve dates first. Neither the Avengers nor Stark Industries can handle any press suggesting your relationship started before you split from Steve. And you are to never wear the ring outside –“

“You know about the ring?” Tony asked hysterically, his voice breaking like a pre-pubescent boy. Pepper turned in her chair to shoot a look of disbelief and annoyance at him. “Of course, you helped him pick it out. Fan-fucking-tastic.” Down the shoot 2 more fingers went. Adulting sucks.

“Can I release this statement or not, Tony?” Pepper brought Tony’s focus back to the papers on the table. “We need to get it out there before the rumors start.”

“Rumors? What fucking rumors? He _just_ left.” Tony shouted.

“He relocated to DC. Despite how secure SHIELD may be under Hill and Coulson, it doesn’t change the fact that people will talk about Captain America now living in DC.” Pepper snipped. “I bet by morning it’s on TMZ.”

“Release the statement.”

Both Tony and Pepper turned their attention to Bucky.

“She’s right, Tony, if he’s staying at SHIELD someone is bound to say something.” Bucky shrugged.

Pepper narrowed her eyes slightly on Bucky before turning back to Tony, raising an eyebrow in question. Tony helplessly stared, jaw agape. A statement was just so…final. Like actual confirmation that Tony couldn’t make shit work.

“Yeah, I guess.” Tony shrugged and poured more whiskey. He could still feel his fingers so either this shit didn’t work anymore or he wasn’t drinking enough.

“Good.” Pepper nodded and gathered her things, tucking them carefully back into the manila folder she had under her arm when she entered. As she rose she turned her focus back to Bucky. “Natasha asked me to let you know that she’s waiting for you in the gym and the longer you take, the madder she’s getting.”

Bucky swallowed audibly, but acknowledged her with a slight incline of his head. He’d have to face her eventually. After all, she had grown very close to Steve during their time on the team and he knew when she found out, she’d want to go a few dozen rounds kicking his ass. He supposed it was the least he could do. Take a hit or two.

Pepper left the lab nearly as quietly as she entered, leaving the two men to stew in silence. Bucky stared at Tony, watching the man as he stared at his glass.

“It’s over. It’s final. I lost him.” Tony nodded and slammed his whiskey. “Great.”

“It’s not over.” Bucky leaned back against the couch, staring at the ceiling. “Maybe we could work something out. Just need to let him cool down first."

"Work something out?” Tony snorted. Bucky could hear the clank of glass on glass indicating he was pouring more booze. “Like what? Polyamory?

Bucky shrugged and Tony wasn’t sure what surprised him more. That Bucky knew what that meant or that he was okay with it. Bucky turned his head to Tony and snorted when he saw Tony’s shocked expression.

“What? I did spend some part of the last 70 years awake. You wouldn’t believe the shit I’ve learned about.”

Tony walked over and sat next to Bucky, leaning forward slightly so his elbows rest on his knees and heathered grey t-shirt covered back was exposed. Bucky seized the moment to rub his metal hand along Tony’s spine. It felt good to just touch him after the day they’d had.

“You’d actually date Steve?” Tony looked over his shoulder inquisitively.

“We’ve hooked up before.” Bucky shrugged.

"Seriously?” Tony’s eyebrows were damn near lost in his hairline.

“Not a lot of options in the military, Tony. We were at war. Though it stopped really when he realized he liked Peggy.” Bucky’s tone sounded wistful, a small smile on his lips. “She knew though. Didn’t really bother ‘er, I don’t think, but Stevie didn’t want to anymore after he started likin’ ‘er.”  

Tony’s shoulders slumped in disappointment. It would be too good to be true to think Steve would consider dating them both. As if sensing his disappointment, Bucky rest his hand on the back of Tony’s neck and squeezed gently.

“We’ll give him some time and then talk to him about it.” Bucky stated, rubbing his thumb along Tony’s pulse point.

“I can’t ask that of him.” Tony muttered, staring at his drink in his hands and suddenly feeling like he wanted to vomit.

“We’ll give him some time.” Bucky restated, squeezing one last time before dropping his hand and standing up. He smirked internally when Tony’s eyes were drawn to his abdomen when he stretched. “In the meantime, I better deal with Natalia.”  

“Good luck.” Tony snorted.

* * *

Tony couldn’t have stopped the amused chuckle if he wanted to when Bucky limped into his room. He had been lost in his thoughts, laying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling when he heard the door crack. Stupidly, a small part hoped Steve’s perfect gorgeous face would pop in the space, but instead it was his darker lover, obviously battered and bruised.

“Go well?” Tony asked with a smug smirk.

“Fuck off.” Bucky hissed as he delicately sat down on the bed. He carefully lifted his shirt over his head revealing some impressive bruises along his back and sides.

“Remind me to never cross her.” Tony mused as he lay back down, eyes still watching his lover closely.

Bucky carefully lay down on the bed, close enough to Tony to feel his heat, but not enough to touch. Tony wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not, so he kept his distance. It sucked. He wanted nothing more than to wrap around Bucky like an octopus and never let go. If only to assure himself that Bucky was still in fact there.

“I think she’s good now.” Bucky sighed, closing his eyes slowly as though it took great effort. “But that’s today, who the fuck knows what it’ll be tomorrow.”

“I haven’t seen Bruce.” Tony flatly stated, ignoring the burn in his eyes. “I think he’s avoiding me.”

“Probably.”

Tony looked at Bucky in annoyance and poked a particularly nasty looking bruise that was in the early stages of healing on his ribs. Bucky hissed and glared at Tony, only softening his expression when he saw the hurt in Tony’s eyes. With a sigh, Bucky shoved his right arm under Tony and pulled the man flush against him, not even flinching when Tony pressed against his bruises.

“He’ll come around.” Bucky kissed Tony’s forehead gently, leaving his lips pressed there. “They all will. It’s just gonna take some time.”

“Did she say anything about Steve?” Tony whispered against Bucky’s throat. Of course he had burrowed in Bucky’s neck the first chance he had.

“Just that he was quiet when he packed and texted her he was okay. She’ll keep tabs on him.” Bucky slowly ran his right hand up and down the back of Tony’s neck.

“Think she’ll tell us?”

“Doubtfully.” Bucky admitted. Tony sighed heavily against him and Bucky tightened his hold, choosing his words carefully. “You can’t expect them to, Tony. You gotta give Stevie his space right now.”

“I know.” Tony reluctantly acknowledged. “I will. I just...I miss him.”

“I know you do, doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Steve. :(


	3. It's Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky confronts Steve about his and Tony's desire for a Poly relationship and Steve makes his decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta read. I'm sick and don't want to reread so all mistakes are my own. Sorry. Also, don't own, don't claim to, don't sue me.

(Off scree time jump 1 month)

Hell.

Population: 1

Resident Tormented: James Buchanan Barnes; AKA: Bucky

Well, perhaps that’s a bit dramatic, but it felt that way to him at the moment. In the grand scheme of things, the fallout from Tony and Bucky’s relationship had been rather mild when compared to what they were worried about. Sure, there was disappointment and some glowers sent their way, but overall, things got back to normal relatively quickly. Bruce was still doing science down in the lab with Tony as though nothing had changed. Clint and Natasha still hung out with Bucky, after Natasha had her few rounds with Bucky of course. Thor was still his happy-go-lucky presence. The only real change was a noticeable super soldier size absence. But it was that absence that made everything feel like complete and utter crap, especially for Tony.

The man hid his feelings behind his bravado, jokes and cocky smirks, but in the security of their rooms, Tony didn’t hide the sadness. He felt Steve’s absence acutely. Bucky and Tony were still physical nearly every night, but Bucky didn’t miss the way Tony’s hands reached towards the side of the bed that Steve had slept on. Or the way he mumbled Steve’s name in his sleep and woke with a hard on. A hard on he didn’t let Bucky handle for reasons Bucky still did not push Tony to explain. Not that Tony needed to. Bucky knew why.

Despite what many would say about the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, he wasn’t the character that he was in the press. He had his own set of insecurities thanks to Howard Stark’s A+ parenting and he did have some standards. And despite what Steve had said, Tony never pretended to be anywhere than present when he was intimate. It was how Bucky knew that when Tony casually pulled away and jumped into the shower right after waking, it wasn’t with an open door (literally, he shut it) to allow Bucky to come play. It was his way of asking Bucky for privacy to let Tony handle himself and allow his mind to be on Steve.

Bucky wasn’t jealous about it. It was hard to be jealous when Steve had made Tony so very happy. Steve played a huge role in Tony and Bucky falling in love and it by extension made Bucky love him more. Steve, of course, hadn’t known about the role he played nor the fact that his sudden exit from Tony’s daily life had such a profound impact on the engineer. And Tony, god love that asshole, he was not so selfish to force Steve to stay when he clearly didn’t want to. That didn’t mean Bucky was above it though.

He understood why Steve left. Why Steve was pissed and left New York the first chance he had. Why Steve didn’t return their calls and deliberately avoided missions with them. He understood it, but he didn’t like it and he loved both Tony and Steve enough to be the asshole who stepped up and did something about it.

So here Bucky was. Standing in the entryway to the gym at the SHIELD office in DC watching the man he loved for so many years throw punches at the punching bag as though it personally offended him. Though knowing Steve, perhaps it had.

“Bag offed you, Stevie?”

Bucky forced his smile on when he saw Steve stiffen almost immediately upon hearing his voice. Wasn’t quite the reaction he wanted, but hell, what had he been expecting? Steve to turn around with a smile and embrace him like always? No. Maybe. Okay, a teeny tiny part hoped he had missed Bucky and would, but apparently not. Seems Steve stood stock still, back still to Bucky and shoulders tense as ever.

“You always did push yourself too hard. Stubborn punk, didn’t know when to back down.” Bucky pushed off the doorway and casually kicked up the door stop, allowing the door to close behind them. Sure, anyone could hear their conversation from the hallway, but it gave him some feeling of privacy.

“What do you want, Barnes?” Steve’s voice was ice as he violently unwrapped the tape off his hands, back flexing so deliciously against his white shirt that was sinfully tight. Any other person, Bucky would have thought it were intentional, but not Steve. The man was stupidly unaware of just how sexy he truly was.

“Well, for you to turn around for starters.” Bucky stopped a few feet away, out of punching range. Super soldier healing or not, Steve could throw one nasty ass hit and he didn’t really feel like taking one.

With an annoyed exhale out his nose, Steve turned around and looked at his (former) friend, his blue eyes still hard and angry and jaw set. He was clearly still smarting for a fight. Fantastic.

“What?” Steve snapped when Bucky didn’t immediately start talking.

“You know why I’m here, Stevie.” Mother fucker was it hard to keep your tone level when Steve was looking so hot and angry. It shouldn’t be so hot to see Steve so unmoving and cold, but damn, it looked good on him. Anger did that body good.

“No, I really don’t.” Steve tossed the tapes to the trashcan and of course they went right in. Not even bouncing off the brick wall. He was annoyingly perfect. “I’m pretty sure there’s nothing left to say.”

“You know that’s not true. I think there’s plenty left to say.” Bucky crossed his arms only to prevent himself from grabbing Steve and shaking him vigorously. Or kissing him. Or hell, both.

“I don’t.”

“Fine, I have plenty left to say.” Bucky rolled his eyes at Steve’s unmoving attitude. Well, Steve wasn’t the only stubborn ass from Brooklyn.

“Well, I’m not exactly interested in hearing anything you have to say.” Steve finally moved passed Bucky, dramatically arching his body as to not brush against his friend. “So unless this is related to SHIELD, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Bucky rolled his eyes again and chased after his friend, grabbing his arm firmly and stopping Steve’s movement. In hindsight, not the best move. Left him wide open and Steve of course took his opportunity. Fuck, the boy could still hit.

“Jesus, Stevie, does it always have to end with blood?” Bucky hissed as he arched his head back to prevent the blood from slipping down. His nose throbbed on his face. Not broken, no, but most definitely going to bruise for the afternoon. Dick.

“Fuck you, Barnes.” Steve hissed, making Bucky falter slightly. It was hotter than Bucky wanted to admit when Steve swore.

“I get it, you’re still pissed.” Bucky raised his hands in a placating fashion. “You have reason to be. I’m just asking for you to hear me out.”

“Why should I?” Steve crossed his arms, glaring all hot like. “Why should I listen to a word you have to say? What could you possibly have to tell me that you haven’t already –“

"Well if you shut up and give me a moment you’d know!” Bucky interrupted annoyed. Jesus could Steve run his mouth when he was mad.

Steve’s mouth shut with an audible click, but his body language was no less irritated. Figuring it was the best Bucky was going to get, he pushed on.

“I get it, I do. We fucked up. We own that. I own that. I shouldn’t have moved in on Tony behind your back, but I’m not going to apologize for loving him, Stevie. Jesus, you of all people should know how easy it is to fall in love with him.” Bucky wiped his nose with the edge of his black shirt. He wasn’t at all put out that Steve’s hard eyes never left his face to see the obviously exposed hard abs. Well, maybe just a little.

“We shouldn’t have messed around behind your back, but that morning was the first time we’d ever slept together. That was the first time we crossed the line – “

“Crossed the line?!” Steve interrupted angrily. “Do you even understand how far before that you crossed the line? Do you think it was appropriate to jerk off with MY boyfriend right there? While I was gone? If you thought nothing was wrong with it then why not tell me then?”

“Because we knew you’d be pissed!”

“No shit!” Steve bellowed, looking away and taking several deep breaths. “Of course I would have been angry. It wasn’t right and you know that!”

“I know.” Bucky conceded because, duh, they did know that.

“Then what is there left to say? I’m done listening to your apologies and your excuses.” Steve crossed his arms. The gesture may have looked as though he were closing off, but Bucky could see it in his eyes. He was closing in. He was entering protect yourself mode and Bucky knew his time was running out.

“Tony misses you. I miss you.” Bucky soldiered on. “He loves you, Stevie. We both do and you know that. So why won’t you give us the chance to make this right? I know you still love him. I know you love me.”

“Tony loves me, right.” Steve snorted and it just pissed Bucky off. How dare that arrogant self-righteous dick dismiss Tony’s love for him when they both knew the engineer was so open about it.

“Don’t do that.” Bucky warned him. He couldn’t have kept the threat out of his tone if he wanted to and he most certainly didn’t. “Don’t you dare try to say Tony doesn’t love you.”

“He loves me so much he cheated on me.” Steve shook his head sadly. “That’s not love.”

“You can love more than one person, punk.” Which was true. Why was Steve so damn hung up on the whole loving only one-person thing? “Are you telling me that loving Tony made you love Peggy any less?”

Okay, bad call. Not Bucky’s brightest moment. The second punch confirmed it, but thankfully this one hit his jaw instead, so yay, no bloody nose.

“Don’t you dare bring Peggy into this! This is completely different!” Steve’s hands shook at his side with the effort he was using to prevent himself from throwing another hit.

"No, it’s really not.” Bucky stood his ground, though his arms were more prepared to block any wayward hits. “You still love ‘er right? She still has a place in your heart?”

“Peggy will always be important to me.” Steve whispered angrily. Bucky could see the pain clouding his eyes and he hated hurting Steve more, but he needed Steve to see. “She was the first dame I ever fell for, who ever saw me for me. She saw me before I was the soldier and she continued to see me after. Don’t you dare try to say this is the same thing.”

“But you fell in love with Tony anyway.” Bucky reminded him gently.

“Because Peggy was gone!” And there were those stupid angry tears. Ugh, Steve shouldn’t be so pretty when he cries. “I woke up from the ice and the woman I loved was gone. All I had were memories of a date I missed and update from SHIELD that she had died in her sleep 2 years before I woke up. Peggy was gone and I had to try to move on.”

“And you fell in love.”

“Yes, I did.” Steve nodded. “I fell in love with Tony. I didn’t intend to, but I did.”

“Like me.” Bucky interjected. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but I did. Like _you_ did. Can you not see how that happened?”

“No.” Steve shook his head. “No. I would have never allowed myself to go down that path if I had Peggy. I would never have done that to her. Just like I would never have done that to Tony.”

Bucky groaned in frustration. Steve, god love him, but he was so damn narrow minded at times.

“Jesus, Stevie, my point is you loved Peggy, but still fell in love with Tony. You just told me you loved 2 people at one time. That’s my point.”

"What is the point in this conversation? My feelings for Tony were never in question, it were his feelings that were obviously faltering.” Steve at least managed to hold his ground at the hard look Bucky shot him.

“He loves you, you idiot. You know this. I can’t believe you’d even question it!”

“How could I not? He was messing around with you behind my back. Who does that to someone they love?!” Steve’s nostrils flared with his controlled breaths to prevent him from losing his cool again. It was damn hard too.

"It wasn’t to hurt you. Why can’t you understand that?” Bucky ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He wanted to just yank it all out, he was so annoyed. “I get it, we hurt you, but we didn’t set out to. It just got out of control.”

“I’m done.” Steve huffed, turning around and walking towards the door. “I’m not going round and around with you about this. I said my peace and I’m done.”

“I’m not!” Bucky moved to stand in front of the door, blocking Steve’s escape. “He loves you and wants you back.”

“Bully for him. Now move.” Steve knew Bucky could see the flare of hope in his eyes and he hated it. He couldn’t allow himself to hope.

“Have you ever heard of polyamory?” Bucky cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at his friend, watching his reaction closely. As expected, Steve looked totally lost and shook his head no. “It’s when more than 2 people enter into a relationship.”

“Tony wants to be in a relationship with you and me at the same time?” Steve’s tone was at least inquisitive. That was a good sign right?

“Yes. He just loves you so much he’s not willing to ask. We both would date Tony. Or we could all 3 date each other.” Bucky offered. It wasn’t like he and Steve hadn’t hooked up before. They had. It had been more of a friend helping a friend type thing, but Bucky could definitely see their love evolving into something else entirely. Hell, it already was on his side.

“He loves you, Stevie. So much. This is so black and white for you, but it’s really not if you stop and look at it. He couldn’t help his feelings just like I couldn’t. We fell in love with each other right in front of you and you never even cared. You smiled when we bantered. You looked so happy that we were getting along.” Bucky knew he sounded somewhat like he was begging, but he didn’t care. He needed Steve to see the facts as they were. Yes, they fucked up. Yes, they had to rebuild their relationships. But they wanted to do it. They wanted to rebuild that trust and they wanted to do it with Steve. They wanted Steve.

“Part of the reason I even fell in love with Tony was because of you.” Bucky admitted. “You made him so happy and he was so beautiful that way. You don’t even know how he looked at you. Like you put the sun in the sky. Can’t you give us a chance to try to make this right? Give us a chance to prove this could work.”

“It couldn’t.” Steve’s voice was so shakey and unsure and it thrilled Bucky.

“It did. You just didn’t know. You didn’t know because what we were doing had nothing to do with the relationship he had with you. It didn’t change how he felt about you. You didn’t even suspect something was going on. He still loved you and was so happy.” Bucky nearly cheered when Steve nodded his head and dropped it hoping Bucky wouldn’t see the tears, but he did.

“You’re right.” Steve admitted softly and took a minute to compose himself. Bucky was kind enough to let him. A few moments later the blonde raised his head and it nearly buckled Bucky’s knees to see the emotion in his eyes. The sadness. The love. The betrayal.

“You’re absolutely right. I didn’t suspect anything was going on.” Steve nodded unnecessarily. “Because I trusted him. And I trusted you.”

Well fuck. There was the fact that Bucky failed to really think about. The trust issues.

“I trusted that Tony was faithful to me as I was to him. I trusted that your playful banter was just that, playful. I trusted that when I left and returned those kisses I got were true and for me only. I trusted you both and you both destroyed that.” Steve wiped his face angrily. “I’m assuming you two talked about this polyamorous relationship?”

Bucky nodded, unable to speak.

“Did you even think for a moment that perhaps I didn’t want it?” Steve smiled sadly. “Or the fact that a relationship like that would take open and honesty and most of –“

“Trust.” Bucky whispered sadly, finishing Steve’s sentence. Steve nodded in agreement.

"I can’t trust you or Tony. I gave him my heart and look what he did to it. I loved you so much, Bucky, and look what you did with it. You both betrayed me and I could never trust you again. Not with my heart.” Steve sounded so hurt. Like the words were physically ripping a part of him away, but Bucky knew him well enough to know Steve truly felt that way. “I will forgive you both, someday. We can work together and maybe even be friends, but I can’t ever trust either one of you with my heart again. I just can’t.”

Bucky nodded as tears blurred his vision. Fuck. He had really been hoping that there was a chance to make this work. That perhaps they could convince Steve to at least move back to New York and try.

“I’m so sorry, Stevie.” Bucky finally choked out.

“I know you are. I believe it.” Steve admitted. “I just can’t trust you again. Not with this.”

It took every ounce of power in his body, but Bucky finally managed to step aside and allow Steve to pass. It felt worse than when Bucky fell from the train because this time, this separation, Steve was choosing to walk away. Not because he was an asshole, but to protect himself and it made Bucky hate himself more than he wanted to admit.

“Make him happy, Buck.” Steve called over his shoulder, looking at Bucky with a pained smile. “He deserves to be happy. You too.”

“What about you?” Bucky asked honestly. He _needed_ to know Steve would be okay. He had to be. It would kill Bucky and Tony if he wasn’t.

Steve just gave Bucky a shrug and walked away, leaving one heartbroken soldier in his wake.

* * *

“You went to DC didn’t you?” Tony asked softly, wrapped up in Bucky’s arms in the safe dark quiet of their rooms. Their love making had been slow and gentle, with Bucky’s face tucked into Tony’s neck as though trying to simultaneously climb inside Tony and hide from him. Tony knew. Of course he knew. He wasn’t stupid. Bucky had talked to him about a Poly relationship with Steve and they had talked about how they were both so on board with it. It was just getting Steve on board with it that was the trick.

“Yep.” Bucky’s tone was flat and it left a sour taste in Tony’s mouth. He knew with that one word that he wasn’t getting Steve back. They weren’t getting Steve back. Try as he may, he couldn’t blink the tears away.

“He’ll never trust us.” Tony finally spoke past the lump in his throat. While it may not have been the first thing Bucky thought about, Tony knew trust would be a huge deal for Steve. If he couldn’t trust you, he couldn’t make it work with you and at the end of the day no matter what their intentions may or may not have been, they betrayed Steve’s trust. Time and time again. Tony pushed back against Bucky, tucking his head further into the pillow and muffling his heavy breaths.

It hurt. A lot. He loved Bucky. There was no doubt about that, but he also loved Steve. It killed him that Steve doubted it because he so completely did. His love for Bucky was entirely different from his love for Steve. Steve was his first crush. Steve was the first man who broke past his walls. He was the man who pulled Tony out of his post-battle depression and brought him back to life. He was the sun in Tony’s sky like Bucky was his moon. They were night and day and he loved them both so very intensely.

He didn’t regret falling in love with Bucky, but he absolutely would regret, until his dying breath, losing Steve. It didn’t have to be this way and sadly, they both realized that after the fact. They could have been smart and talked about their budding feelings with each other and then with Steve. He may be old fashioned, but Tony knew deep down that Steve would have been weary, but at least willing to give it a shot if they had just talked. But they’d never get that chance now. Because Tony and Bucky were both so dumb about emotions that they couldn’t even be honest about it to each other and instead left it unsaid. That tension built until they crossed Steve’s hard line in the sand and cheated. They left the fire to burn unattended and it burned out of control.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Bucky whispered to Tony before kissing his neck gently.

Tony didn’t respond. He couldn’t. His throat was like a vice and his heart was shattering with each beat, but Bucky didn’t mind. He just held Tony as the man cried into his pillow, his arm reaching towards the cold side of the mattress that would never again know the warmth of Steve. And fuck did that hurt.

* * *

“You okay?” Sam asked, sipping at his beer and staring at the shelf of alcohols behind the bar. He knew Steve had a bad day when he caught wind that Bucky had paid the super soldier a visit. Sam was just pissed off he missed the former assassin. He wouldn’t have minded having a few rounds with the asshole. But of course he had missed Bucky, who tucked his tail and ran after his conversation with Steve.

“Someday.” Steve admitted with a snort.

"What Barnes want?” Sam finally looked over at Steve, his heart breaking for his friend.

“He wanted to talk to me about entering into a polyamorous relationship with Tony.” Steve shook his head sadly. Sam looked at Steve as though he had two heads.

“Seriously?”

“Yep.” Steve nodded.

“Huh.” Sam looked away thoughtfully, staring back at the shelves before him and losing himself in the noises from the crowded bar.

“What? You think I should do it?” Steve asked skeptically.

“Nah, I think you gotta do what you feel is right for you.” Sam stated, sipping at his beer once again. “I’m just surprised he’d even suggest it. He seems like the possessive type.”

“He’s really not.” Steve’s voice was sad and soft, nearly getting lost in the surrounding noise. “He’s a good guy with a good heart and I think he saw it as a way of everyone getting what they want.”

“But you don’t want it?” Sam looked back to Steve with his all-knowing expression. It was infuriating how well Sam had grown to know Steve.

“I want Tony. I love him, but –“ The blonde trailed off with a sigh, resting his elbows on the dark wood bar top and burying his hands in his hair.

“You can’t trust him.” Sam nodded understandingly. “I get it.”

“Is it stupid? Did I just make a huge mistake?”

Sam placed a comforting hand on Steve’s shoulder, squeezing it gently in support. He knew Steve was struggling. There was absolutely no doubt he loved Tony and was devastated by what happened.

“It’s not stupid, Steve. It’s hard getting hurt and having someone betray you. Especially someone you love.”

“But should I have at least tried?” Steve looked to Sam with wide confused eyes. 

“I don’t know,” Sam admitted with a shrug. “But you don’t have to decide today. I’m pretty sure if you changed your mind at some point, they’d welcome you back.”

Steve’s shoulders slumped and his head slipped back down into his hands. He was the epitome of defeated man.

“I can’t.” Steve closed his eyes against the sting behind them. He loved Tony. Holy hell alive would Steve have walked through fire to save him, but today? He couldn’t even bear to see a photo of him. Not after knowing Tony could lie directly to him without even missing a beat. Hell, Tony had even smiled at him and whispered how much he loved him even after being with Bucky. How could he do that? How could Steve ever trust him after that? He didn’t think he ever could. Perhaps others could eventually, but Steve? He couldn’t. Not after a betrayal like that. As hard as it was, he was going to let Tony go because at the end of the day, was Tony ever really his?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited A/N (09/10/16): I am removing my original note that indicated this story would not be OT3 and replacing it with the following. 
> 
> I have NO clue which way this is going. When I began writing it, it was most definitely not going to be OT3 and when I first published this chapter it was not going to be OT3. Then I began work on chapter 4 and somehow I began to question my original decision and then I read some amazing reviews that have me questioning if I backed myself into a corner with that decision so early in the story. Truthfully, I didn't really set out to write a chaptered fic. I did a one shot on my phone during my lunch hour and then thought a second one would be funny then I got to this one and before I knew it these characters became something more. So at this point I can honestly say I have tossed my original outline out the window and I'm winging it. So PLEASE continue the feedback. Please continue to point out ideas that never occurred to me. Please give me your own perspectives because they truly do help me. Yes, this is my story and ultimately I will write it the way I want to go, but the feedback I've gotten so far has helped me immensely. So thank you!! So you OT3 shippers, there’s a chance. For you who don’t want it, there’s a chance. It can go either way.


	4. It's Painful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets injured, Tony gets pissed and Bucky sees a person from his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart for your incredible support on this story. It was totally unplanned to write and I'm the first to admit I'm winging this. I had this plan that promptly went out the door when I started writing this chapter because somehow my brain went on a tangent and my fingers typed it out and I ended up with this mess. Even I got to the end and went 'WTF?!" So yeah, enjoy. :) Also, any bold typing is going to note the character speaking in another language. I'm not about to insult any native speakers by trying to use google translate. 
> 
> Not beta read, still sick and doped up on meds so all mistakes are my own.

Tony hated social media. Like, fuck that douchebag Mark Zuckerberg and his evil band of misfits, Jack Dorsey, Noah Glass, Biz Stone and Evan Williams. Pepper had assured him it was impossible to sue those dicks for creating Twitter and Facebook. She had also assured him it WAS possible to be sued by those douchebags for the sneaky hacks Tony was performing to shut their shit down. Damn Pepper and her rational though. But who would blame Tony? Honestly? It was hell seeing post after post and tweet after tweet from mindless drones gossiping about who Captain America is involved with now. Don’t these assholes have anything better to do? It wasn’t even accurate reporting either. Sam Wilson? Dude was as straighter than a line of coke on a glass top table…not that Tony knew what those looked like.

“Pepper said she will override Jarvis if Zuckerberg calls her one more time.” Bucky smirked as he walked into Tony’s lab, noticing Tony once again typing vigorously on his computer while Bruce studiously ignored him in favor of working on some random experiment. Bucky didn’t even try to understand."

Well, good luck to Zucker-douche on pinpointing this on me.” Tony retorted, hitting the enter key with a flair and spinning around in his chair. Bruce shook his head with a fond smile at the smug smile Tony gave Bucky.

“I’m just passing the word along.” Bucky shrugged and stopped a few steps away from Tony. When Tony furrowed his brows, Bucky’s eyes quickly darted over to Bruce and back again. The unspoken message was clear. Not in front of the team. It was sort of an unspoken rule they put into play after Steve moved. Tony nodded with a small sigh.

“What brings you down to our humble abode?” Tony linked his fingers together behind his head and leaned back.

“Coulson wants the designs for Steve’s suit.”

Well that certainly got Tony’s attention, forcing the man to sit straight up.

“Why?” And yep, Tony definitely sounded suspicious.

“Need to make him a new one.” Bucky shrugged nonchalantly giving off an air of indifference, but Tony was smarter than most. He immediately caught the slight tensing of his shoulders and the fisting of his hands as he crossed his arms.

"Why?” Tony pressed more firmly.

Bucky and Tony engaged in a non-verbal conversation through harsh stares and slight facial twitches.

“Is this about Johannesburg?” Bruce calmly asked, impervious to the shocked looked Tony shot him and the glare from Bucky. He shrugged. “Natasha called me.”

“Of course she did.” Bucky mumbled under his breath with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“What happened in Johannesburg?” Tony looked between the two men, his irritation growing.

“A mission went a bit south.” Bruce provided gently with a small wince at Tony’s immediate reaction of turning around and typing vigorously on his computer.

“J, hack it. I want everything. Steve’s exact location and condition first.” Tony immediately ordered while his fingers blazed across the keys.

“Tony.” Bucky voice was uncharacteristically soft as he pressed up behind the man, ignoring Bruce and their rule entirely to place his hands over Tony’s to stop them. “He’s okay.”

“Then why the stealth mode conversation?” Tony shot back annoyed. It was getting a bit old how much everyone danced around the subject of Steve around him. It had been 9 months since they split. Okay, yeah, he still absolutely loved Steve and if given the chance would totally get back to tapping that fine all American ass, but he was still capable of being an adult about shit. Especially if it meant helping a hurt Steve.

“Because we’re not supposed to know about it.” Bucky reminded him, his firm grip keeping Tony from resuming his typing.

“This is such bullshit.” Tony hissed, pulling out of Bucky’s arms and pacing irritated. “I mean, what is the point of trying to claim the Avengers are a united front if they don’t in fact unite us? We could have helped!”

“And leave New York and the US open for threat?” Fuck Bruce and his logic.

“He had Natalia, Clint, Sam and some mutants with him.” Bucky crossed his arms, eyes watching Tony closely.

“They’re pairing up with mutants? Like shaved head professor mutants?” Bruce snorted when Tony rubbed his hands over his head dramatically.

"Yes.” Bruce nodded. “I’ve been working with Dr. McCoy on some projects for SHIELD. The Professor is very interested in the idea of mutants joining SHIELD. It may help change public perception of them.”

“Bruce! You science slut!” Tony gasped, hand over his chest and looking thoroughly scandalized at the thought of Bruce working with another scientist. “You’re cheating on me?”

Bruce and Bucky both gave Tony the same one eyebrow raised expression, just waiting for him to realize what he said. Took less than 15 seconds before he rolled his eyes with a huff and waved his hand in the air as if he were trying to erase the comment. That was a bit of a pot calling the kettle black. While the Avengers may have let the situation pass without much mention made on it, Tony knew deep down that they were disappointed how things went with Steve. Especially since Steve had been gone for months now, living his new exciting life in DC with his new BFF Sam Wilson. Sure, Bruce had seen Steve a dozen times since then. Being in an unofficial-we’re-not-talking-about-it relationship with Natasha meant he’d see a lot of Steve since they were paired up constantly on missions. It made sense, they worked well together and were effective. And sure, Tony was super tempted to beg Bruce to tell him everything about Steve, but he never did. He didn’t want to put the others in the middle of their drama. He knew it was the reason why everyone was able to move forward so easily. Adulting sucks.

“So Cap needs a new super suit? Got it!” Tony nodded and turned back to his computer, pulling up the suit with a few clicks. “J, go ahead and start simulations on the last update we had for Cap’s suit would ya?”

“Tony?”

“And make sure to include the new –“

“Tony!”

Tony startled at Bucky’s loud yell, turning around with an almost manic expression. Did Bucky not understand how important ensuring Steve’s suit was perfect was?

"What?”

“They want the design. Not for you to manufacture it.” Bucky carefully stated, watching Tony closely.

“No.” Tony crossed his arms and shook his head. “I make the suits. All of them.”

“SHIELD is moving away from that, Tones.” Bucky slowly raised his hands until he was rubbing Tony’s arms gently.

“They’re kicking me out.” Tony narrowed his eyes on Bucky before looking to Bruce. The other scientist wasn’t looking at Tony though, instead cleaning his lenses with the corner of his shirt. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

"No, Tony, you aren’t right.” Bucky sighed.

“But I’m not far off.” Tony pushed, looking Bucky dead in the eye willing the man to lie to him.

“They just want the designs to make the suits for them. Have extras on standby. Why is this such a big deal to you?” Bucky whispered with a furrowed brow.

“I’ll give them Widow, Hawkeye, Hulk, hell, even yours, but I will never give them Steve’s.” Tony bit his bottom lip when his voice broke on Steve’s name.

“Why?” Bruce asked gently, not wanting to break the calm, but wanting to understand.

“That suit was my old man’s design and perfected by me. If it needs updates, I’ll be the one to do them.” Tony informed Bucky, pulling out of the man’s grasp and looking between the two men. “And you can tell SHIELD, Coulson and Natasha to fuck off if they don’t like it.”

Tony turned on his heel and stormed from the lab, the glass door slamming roughly behind him with such force Bruce was shocked it didn’t shatter. The two men were left in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Bucky, torn between following his lover and giving him space. Bruce, torn on understanding the true motivations for Tony’s unwillingness to give up the Captain America suit.

“Why’s it such a big deal?” Bruce asked Bucky gently. “The government got ahold of the Ironman suit. Why is Steve’s such a big deal?”

Bucky stared at the door his lover went out, eyes narrowed and lips pursed in thought. With a small shake of his head, as though clearing the webs, he looked back to Bruce.

“It’s his only way of ensuring Steve stays safe. If he can’t go on missions with him –“

“Then he wants to make sure the suit can protect him.” Bruce finished with a nod. Bucky merely nodded with a pained smile. “He really misses him huh?”

“Like air.” Bucky sighed before giving in to the temptation to follow his lover. If only to escape the budding bromance conversation with Bruce. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Bruce. He most certainly did. The man was brilliant and an amazing friend to Tony, but it didn’t mean he wished to have a heart to heart with him. Hell, very few people were in that category. Two in fact. One was presently brooding somewhere. The other was lying in a hospital bed in Johannesburg. Now if only he could keep Tony from finding that out…

* * *

"He’s been burned?!”

Tony rounded on Bucky the moment he took a step into their bedroom, a screen pulled up showing grainy photos of a partially dressed Steve laying on a gurney with his face pulled into an expression of sheer pain. His left arm and a good portion of his chest were covered in angry red and pink burns, the skin distorted from the injury.

“He’ll heal, Tony.” Bucky sat on the edge of the bed and examined the pictures Tony was flipping through. When they got to a particular bad one with a close up of his chest Bucky closed his eyes and looked away, unable to stand the sight of Steve is such agony.

“J, adjustments needed now. Extra heat and flame protection. I want this mother fucker fire proof.” Tony stated, his voice hard and tight.

“Tony.” Bucky called, eyes now back on the man he loved. Tony ignored him, eyes still taking in Steve and his injuries. Bucky could see the wetness building in his eyes and it killed him. “Tony.”

“Look at him.” Tony whispered, his voice scratchy and pained.

“Jarvis, turn it off.” Bucky ordered, rising from the bed and walking up behind Tony, wrapping his arms around his lover and kissing his neck.

“The fuck?” Tony barked when Jarvis followed his order without question, taking away the visual. Tony tried to turn in Bucky’s grasp, but the super soldier was unyielding. “Let me go.”

“You can’t help him right now, Tony. Don’t torment yourself with pictures of him like that. He’ll heal from them, trust me.” Bucky whispered against his ear.

“He’s in pain!” Tony hissed, pulling his head away. “Healing or not that shit has to hurt.”

“It does.” Bucky conceded. “But what does getting worked up do about it?”

“How can you be okay with this?”

The question was like a safe word for Bucky, the reaction was near instantaneous. Bucky’s arms immediately let go and he jumped back 2 feet as though Tony himself had caught fire. His expression angry and painted with disbelief.

“I’m _not_ okay with this! The fuck would make you think I would want Stevie to suffer anything like that?” Bucky clenched his fists, willing himself to calm down.

“Then why aren’t we on a goddamn jet flying to Johannesburg right now?” Tony yelled, his left hand on his hip and his right rubbing at his mouth and goatee.

“To do what?”

“Find out what the fuck happened? Help him. Make sure he’s okay. Do about a million other things than just sitting on our asses right here.” Tony shrugged.

“Steve isn’t ready, Tony.” Bucky said calmly. “When he’s ready he’ll come to us.”

“And what if that never happens?” Tony clenched his jaw, blinking rapidly in an attempt to keep the tears that wanted to fall from falling. “I can’t just sit here anymore. Waiting and hoping that he doesn’t do something stupid and get himself killed. He has been reckless and –“

“I know.” Bucky interrupted with a nod. “It’s why Natalia and Sam are on every mission he’s on now.”

“So they know he’s a loaded gun and they still send him out?” Tony asked in disbelief.

“He wants to stay busy and he’s an effective leader.” Bucky shrugged. “They did the same in the military. He’s fit for duty so they’re sending him out.”

“This is bullshit.” Tony exclaimed, grabbing the remote for one of his many electronics and throwing it against the wall, savoring the visual of the piece breaking apart and flying every which direction.

Bucky approached his lover, wrapping him up in his arms and closing his eyes in relief when Tony leaned into him and sighed. “Tony –“

“I can’t do this anymore.” Tony whispered, burying his face in Bucky’s neck and savoring the mechanical musky scent that was specific to Bucky. “I just need to see him and know he’s okay.”

“You want to go to Johannesburg?” Bucky clarified. It was a terrible idea. Probably the worst Tony would ever have, but Bucky could understand his desire. He would definitely feel much better if he saw Steve in person and knew for a fact he was okay.

“Yes.” Tony confirmed and pulled away slightly to look Bucky in the eye. “Please say you understand.”

“I understand.” Bucky immediately nodded, earning himself a kiss for his efforts. Bucky would have preferred the kiss turn a little more heated, but he didn’t push it. Tony was clearly not in the mood for some loving and he would not push it.

* * *

Like Bucky suspected, Tony wanted to leave 10 minutes ago for Johannesburg which meant no sooner he was out of Bucky’s arms, Tony was flinging clothes and toiletries into a bag and walking with purpose out of their bedroom. He didn’t need to look back to know Bucky was following him. 1 fast car ride, 1 jet flight and a total of 16 hours later found Bucky and Tony existing Tony’s private jet in Johannesburg and a stone faced Natasha greeting them on the runway.

“You weren’t ordered to come.” She said by way of greeting when Tony got within ear shot.

“Don’t need one, red.” Tony smiled cockily as he passed Natasha, looking at her over his sunglasses. The sun was just barely rising in Johannesburg, but Tony didn’t care. He wore them most of the time anyway, if only to keep his eyes hidden from prying eyes.

“So what? Just going to force your way in?” Natasha followed Tony closely, her tone curt and in no way welcoming. Bucky could tell she was fighting the urge to kick Tony’s ass.

“Basically.” Tony nodded and then smiled widely to the black suit clad man who opened the door to the all black SUV. A bit cliché if you asked Tony.

Natasha got it after Tony, but opted to sit on the bench across from them, her back now to the glass divider that separated the back from the driver. Bucky sat next to Tony and nodded to Natasha once in greeting.

“Did you at least bring the designs for Steve’s suit?” The former assassin asked as she crossed her arms. She was clad in her typical all black “Black Widow” look complete with guns holstered on her thighs, but Tony didn’t find her intimidating. Much. Okay, maybe just a teeny tiny tad.

“Brought something better.” He smiled smugly gesturing to himself. Neither Natasha nor Bucky seemed amused by his response. Uptight Russian Spy types.

“Does he know we’re coming?” Bucky asked, drawing Natasha’s gaze.

“No.” She admitted. “We were hoping to advise you against it.”

“Noted, but no.” Tony took off his glasses and looked Natasha in the eye. “I want to see Steve.”

“He doesn’t want to see you.” She told him, but not unkindly, just honestly in a way that only she could.

“Noted.” He acknowledged again.

“You really don’t care.” It was a statement, not a question, and one that really pissed Tony off because if anything was untrue it was that. Tony cared. Probably too much in fact. All he wanted was to make Steve happy and keep him safe.

“ **You’re overstepping.** ” Bucky calmly retorted, though in Russian in sounded more like a threat. Not that Natasha gave anything away, merely looking back at Bucky impassively.

“ **Interesting because one could say the same to you two**.” She raised a dark red brow, smirking at Bucky’s narrowed eyes.

“ **We’ll be in and out.** ”

Natasha’s smirk turned what could be considered playful. “ **Yes, you will**.”

Tony’s eyes darted between the pair, obviously growing agitated at the Russian conversation that was occurring without so much as the courtesy of subtitles.

“Okay, as much fun as the cold war conversation is, can we kick it into English?” Tony snarked, eyes focusing mostly on Bucky. Natasha was a lost cause, but Bucky he had somewhat of a chance at controlling.

“I was merely informing him that you will need to be in and out.” Natasha supplied neutrally. “Steve is being kept sedated while Dr. Cho performs the tissue regeneration.”

Natasha noted immediately how both Bucky and Tony tensed at her comment, Bucky quickly shielding his worry behind an impassive expression whereas Tony looked out the window, jaw working before finally opening his mouth.

“Shouldn’t his rapid healing have taken care of the tissue?” Tony asked with forced calm.

“It should.” Natasha agreed reluctantly. “However, it appeared to be taking longer than anticipated and getting Steve back to health was the priority.”

“To put him back out there.” Tony accused with a sharp glare. Bucky placed a hand on Tony’s thigh, squeezing in support, but Tony ignore it in favor of glaring at Natasha. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re not.” Natasha didn’t even blink at Tony’s hard expression. If looks could kill she would have been dead and buried, but she seemed completely impervious to it.

“What is so important that Stevie cannot even take a break?” Bucky cut in before Tony could lose what little control he had over his anger. They needed Natasha on their side if they wished to see Steve.

“You know I cannot tell you.” The redhead shot Tony what could be considered a sympathetic expression, but was gone so fast he couldn’t be sure.

Tony opened his mouth to retort, but held back. Arguing with Natasha would get him nowhere. She was damn near impossible to crack and even then only a select group could ever hope to do that. If there was one thing Natasha was, it was good at keeping secrets. She was practically a vault. The engineer shook his head and went back to looking out the window, his left hand falling atop Bucky’s that was on his thigh. Not squeezing it, just resting there like a reminder to both them that they were there and they were okay.

The remaining 45-minute car ride was tense and silent, only the outside sounds breaking the quiet. Finally, they pulled up to a nondescript warehouse that though looked abandoned, Tony knew was anything but. A quick glance showed rather impressive infrared laser technology used for scanning the perimeter and he could see the men patrolling around the roof of the building. It was without question a SHIELD establishment, a theory confirmed the second they pulled into the garage and the condition of the building changed.

Outside the walls were weathered and bare. Inside, they were a pristine white with a shine to them. The technology was impressive, almost as impressive as his own was. Black clad SHIELD members worked diligently on computers, monitoring the large screens of what appeared to be surveillance. Some was local given the terrain, others appeared to be looking at some older European type villages. Russia perhaps? Tony shook the thought immediately in favor of following Natasha through the simple corridors that seemed to wind forever before coming up to a large heavily guarded black door. Natasha stepped in front of the doors, remaining still as she were scanned. A green light flashed above and the doors opened allowing her entry. Bucky and Tony both were gestured to stop, each man following the same process until they had passed through behind Natasha.

It was obvious they were in the infirmary. A rather impressive center station rest with persons clad in white lab coats or black scrubs. Surrounding the central station, in a circular layout were large rooms with glass walls and glass sliding doors. Some had curtains pulled, others were open to reveal empty clean rooms. Tony’s eyes immediately stopped on one room that had 2 armed guards standing outside of. No guess needed as to who was resting in that room.

“Dr. Cho.” Natasha broke the uneasy calm and strut forward to the center station, drawing a beautiful Asian woman’s focus. Tony hadn’t even noticed the brilliant Doctor at first glance.

“Agent Romanoff.” Dr. Cho nodded cordially, eyes darting to Bucky and Tony, her eyes glittering with thinly veiled excitement when she got on Tony.

“Sergeant James Barnes and of course, Tony Stark.” Natasha gestured to each man before looking at them. “Dr. Helen Cho.”

Bucky nodded with a soft respectful “ma’am.” Tony offered his hand with a big smile that was only noticeable by Bucky as being completely fake and forced.

“Dr. Cho, pleasure. You fixin’ up our dear Cap?” Tony pulled back after a rather firm handshake and felt the tension ease slightly at the immediate nod from Dr. Cho.

“Of course, Mr. Stark. It’s been a slow process, but we’ve already completed rebuilding the tissue on Captain Rogers left leg and have begun working on his torso. His arm will be last once we’ve taken the time to clear away the damaged tissue.” Dr. Cho calmly stated with just a hint of excitement that only a fellow scientist could understand. Tony was relieved when neither Bucky nor Natasha seemed to pick up on her glee.

“Estimate for completion?” Natasha asked flatly.

“4-6 hours depending on Captain Rogers condition.” Dr. Cho’s face slipped into a slight frown. “Keeping him sedated has been difficult given his metabolism.”

“How long has he been sedated?” Bucky asked with a worried frown.

“Less than 2 hours.” Dr. Cho’s frown dropped further. “He did not wish to be at first, but we found the tissue clearing process to be difficult with Captain Rogers conscious.”

“You don’t think he should have been sedated.” Natasha stated, her posture rigid and head cocked to the side slightly.

“No.” Bucky shook his head, ignoring Dr. Cho’s disgusted expression in favor of maintaining eye contact with Natasha.

“Why?” Dr. Cho nearly spat. “Though Captain Rogers has accelerated healing, he still feels the pain from his injuries and the extent of his injuries were great.”

“I know.” Bucky nodded. “I also know that much like me, Stevie doesn’t sleep deep. He sleeps light because he’s afraid the next time he opens his eyes another few years, or 70, will have gone by. You don’t dream in sedation. You just sleep. It’s like a black hole of time.”

Tony’s heart clenched at the idea of Steve being scared on top of being in pain. Scared of waking in a new world so dramatically different from his own as he had before.

“Then I’ll be sure to be there when he wakes.” Natasha retorted after a brief pause, having not considered that particular fear.

Bucky nodded in gratitude, though Tony knew deep down it did not make him feel any more at ease. It probably would only help if Bucky were able to be there and Tony knew that because he felt the same. He wanted nothing more than to sit at Steve’s side and hold his hand so when the blonde super soldier woke he knew he was okay and safe.

“Can we see him?” Bucky finally asked the question that had been burning in their minds.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Natasha admitted with a hard expression.

“Just a minute, Natalia.” Bucky stepped forward and lowered his head slightly so only Natasha could hear. “ **Let him see him so he’ll calm down. Please.** ”

Natasha nodded stiffly and turned on her heal, walking towards the guarded door and shooting both guards an expression that neither Bucky nor Tony caught, but assumed was a warning glance seems neither me were at all moved by the 2 newcomers. Natasha slowly opened the door and shifted the curtain to reveal a sight that took Tony’s breath away and would have dropped him to his knees if Bucky hadn’t wrapped an arm around his waist.

To say Steve looked awful was an understatement. His right side was covered with a white sheet, but his left was exposed to Dr. Cho’s machines. His left leg looked as flawless as ever, even Tony unable to determine what was his old flesh and what was his knew, but his chest left nothing to the imagination. His pectoral area was exposed to red angry flesh and thin white layers of simulacrum that were awaiting the efforts of her impressive technology. His lower abdomen and side were showing avidly being scanned by blue lasers that were knitting his flesh back before their very eyes. His left arm was still a mass of angry burns and welts.

“The nano-molecular functionality is instantaneous. His cells don’t know they’re bonding with simulacrum."* Dr. Cho softly stated drawing Tony’s eyes. He assumed she must have seen his reaction, but he noted her compassionate gaze was on Bucky, his lover who appeared to be devoid of all color and staring at Steve with tear-filled eyes. “No one, not even Captain Rogers will be able to feel the difference.”

“Stevie.” Bucky choked out softly, fat tears finally escaping his eyes.

“Perhaps we should leave Dr. Cho and her people to do their work.” Natasha softly suggested, gesturing towards the door.

“What did this?” Bucky looked to her, his face morphing from pained horror to righteous anger.

“A big fucking bomb.” Came a gruff voice from the doorway. Tony and Bucky immediately turned to look at the newcomer, each have different reactions. Tony’s thin lips drew down into a deep frown and his eyes narrowed whereas Bucky’s eyebrows seemed to rise into his hairline.

“Howlett?” Bucky’s voice was a shocked whisper.

“It’s Logan now, bub.” The man smirked before raising a smoking cigar to his lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * will note any lines I've taken from the movies. I'm totally not about to claim them as my own. That'd be bad.


	5. It's Frustrating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Sam confront Bucky and Tony, Tony and Bucky hit a small bump in the road in their relationship and Steve and Logan grow closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delay. Unfortunately, my Grandpa lost his fight this weekend and passed away yesterday. It has left me feeling rather uninspired at the moment, but I promise to get back to work soon. My goal is Sunday updates for you guys.

Riddle of the day: How does one kill a master martial artist with regenerative healing factors, adamantium-plated skeletal structure with retractable claws, superhuman senses, reflexes and animal-like attributes with extended longevity?

Bomb? Eh, he’d probably get out too quick.

Poison? No, he’d smell that out first.

Stabbing? Gunshot? 500-pound concrete weight shackled to his ankles? Fuck, there had to be a way to kill the current bane of Tony Stark’s life: Logan, aka: Wolverine, aka: James Howlett, aka: sassy mother fucker who smokes cigars. There had to be a way to wipe this smirking jackass from the plane of existence because Tony was absolutely 110% done with this mutant dick.

Sure, he was hot. Like, hold me down and talk dirty to me, sir, hot, but the guy was an impossible dick to deal with. It didn’t help that he had a sarcastic streak that rivaled Tony’s own and some past comradery with both Steve and Bucky. A closer one to the former given his current position of sitting right next to Steve’s right side, closer to the bed than Tony would have liked. Especially considering he sat in the chair and promptly put on his most unimpressed expression, feet propped up on the bed strategically so that neither Tony nor Bucky could touch any part of Steve past his hip. Dick. What did he think they would do? Molest the obviously seriously injured Steve in his sleep?

“So what happened?” Bucky finally asked when the obligatory “how do ya’ do’s” were done.

“Bomb.” Logan replied, clasping his hands together behind his head. His cigar was long put out after Natasha walked into the room and shot him an expression that Tony didn’t quite catch before it slipped off her face. When Logan took an extra-long drag of his cigar, the red-headed former spy promptly chambered a round and raised a brow. Needless to say the cigar was put out. Not that he couldn’t take the spy, he most certainly could, but that would require him to leave the room and there was about zero chance of that happening. Especially since Steve’s former lover and former best friend were both now standing in his room leaning against the wall and staring at Steve like he were an oasis and they were dehydrated men.

“Wow, helpful. Your mission reports must be a real page turner. So riddled with details.” Tony snarked, unable to stand the man any further.

Logan merely shrugged, but was otherwise unmoved by Tony’s attitude which just pissed the engineer off further. Bucky’s lips twisted with his effort to keep his amused smile from forming. James Howlett hadn’t changed a bit.

“What were you tracking?” Bucky asked, in favor of filling the silence lest Tony feel the need to.

“Stuff.” Wow, fuck this dick and his ridiculous hair.

“Classified information, Barnes, I’m sure you understand.” Natasha cut in before Tony could, her expression warning Bucky to tread lightly. That expression was not unnoticed by Tony, who at this point was just done with everyone and their bullshit.

“Okay,” Tony clapped his hands and pushed off the wall, ignoring Bucky’s hand trying to stop him. “Apparently you two have a real issue with us, so shall we just hash this out? Or would you prefer to continue your mean girls routine?”

He was met with identical expressions of raised brows, but otherwise unmoved.

“Nothing? Really?” Tony glanced between them, eyebrows raised in mock surprise. It was like trying to get a statue to verbalize.

“Don’t think this is the place for this, bub.” Logan’s tone was Sahara dry, gesturing to Steve who appeared to still be unconscious, but his face no longer peaceful. Instead it was pulled into a small grimace.

“Care to step outside?” Tony grit his teeth, his fists clenching at his sides.

“Tony –“ Bucky sighed, shaking his head.

“I don’t think you wanna go a round with me, pal.” Logan smirked, removing his right hand from behind his head and slowly allowing his claws to come out.

“Oh I really think I do.” Tony’s voice was low and deep.

“What is going on in here?” The 4 awake occupants turned to the door seeing a pissed off, and thoroughly exhausted, looking Sam standing in the doorway. His face was banged up and he had a bandage around his right arm, shielding his injury. Unlike Natasha who was still in her typical SHIELD attire, Sam was in loose fitting black track pants and a worn looking dark blue t-shirt.

4 sets of eyes blinked back at him.

“And what the hell are you two doing here?” Sam crossed his arms and looked between Bucky and Tony, both men immediately dropping their eyes. “Ah, naw, don’t be looking at the ground. What are you doing here?”

“We wanted to make sure Steve was okay.” Bucky mumbled, looking back up at Sam and steeling his nerves against the look of disbelief.

“Is that really so hard for you people to understand?” Tony snapped. “That we actually care about him? That we want to be here for him when he wakes up?”

“I don’t really care what you want,” Sam shrugged. “I care about what he wants and he certainly didn’t ask for you two to come.”

Tony and Bucky both had zero response for that because what was there to say? Sam was right. No one had asked for them to come and as far as they knew, Steve still has no interest in seeing them.

“You two want to get back in his good graces?” Sam asked with a raised brow. Tony and Bucky both nodded rather sedately, having had their tempers cooled a tad with Sam’s presence. “Then stop taking choices outta his hands. Get up, walk right out that door and don’t come back until Steve asks you to.”

Tony’s jaw firmed and his brown eyes were a blaze of fury, but before he could spout off, Bucky quietly stood with a nod and grabbed his wrist, pulling him from the room. Unlike Tony, Bucky did not turn back around to chance a glance at Steve so he entirely missed Logan flipping him off with a smile before Sam closed the door quietly.

* * *

“Guessing you’re staying?” Clint startled both Bucky and Tony as soon as the door to Steve’s room closed, leaning with his back against the wall. He looked the same as Natasha, still clad in his typical battle attire and no visible injuries.

“We’d like to.” Bucky supplied when Tony continued to glare at the closed door to Steve’s room willing his eyes to shoot a beam of rage and kill Logan where he sat.

“Follow me, Coulson set up a room for you.” Clint nodded towards the exit and lead the two men through the base towards what appeared to be sleeping quarters. He swiped a card at one door and opened it, gesturing for Tony and Bucky to enter.

Inside the room the simple, but not spartan. There was a simple black leather sofa and a glass coffee table resting to the right of the door. On the wall was a larger LED tv that Tony recognized as his own design, built for television or for mission use if plugged into a laptop. A small kitchenette sat behind the wall that mounted the TV and a hallway led to what they assumed to be a bedroom and private bathroom.

“Not much, but certainly better than most.” Clint noted as he looked around.

“Thanks, Clint.” Bucky sighed, rubbing his tired eyes.

“No problem. Coulson called a briefing at 0700 tomorrow, got a mission for us.” Clint nodded his head politely and moved to leave the two other Avengers to their evening.

“Hey, Legolas.” Tony called out before Clint could escape. The shorter man turned around and raised a brow in inquiry. “What’s up with Russian Spy Barbie’s attitude towards us?”

“Piss her off?” Clint shrugged nonchalantly.

“We just got here.” Tony replied, unbuttoning his charcoal grey suit jacket and shrugging it off. Underneath he wore a crimson red button up shirt that was fitted against his torso and arms and did things to Bucky’s stomach.

“Take it up with Nat.” Clint’s expression hardened and his eyes became devoid of any humor. It was an expression Bucky recognized all too well. The three men stared at each other for a few moments before Clint stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him with a soft click.

“I’m not feeling very wanted. Are you feeling wanted?” Tony asked Bucky, hiding his emotions behind his usual sarcasm. Bucky rolled his eyes and walked down the hall to their bedroom, unsurprised to see their luggage was already in place. It was slightly alarming though that their bags were on the correct side of the bed. He didn’t even want to know how Coulson did that because it would just freak him out and make his spy senses tingle.

“He looked like shit.” Tony sighed as he fell forward onto the king sized bed, burying his face into plain white pillows.

“Yeah.” Bucky sighed tiredly and sat down on the edge of the bed, his back to Tony with his elbows on his knees and head sagging down.

“I don’t like him, that Logan guy. He’s a real dick.” Tony was being petulant. He knew it. Bucky knew it, but he couldn’t help it. There was something about the mutant that just put his hackles up.

“He’s a good guy.” Bucky stated as his eyes focused on his hands that were clasped between his knees.

“He’s an asshole.” Tony spat, turning his head on the pillow to look at Bucky’s back. He hated how far away the super soldier felt. He may physically be in the room, but his mind most certainly wasn’t.

“He’s worried.” Bucky corrected. “He was always close to Stevie.”

Well, isn’t that just 50 shades of special. Close. How close? Like Tony and Bucky close? Or like Tony and Bruce close? The ambiguity of that statement wasn’t exactly making Tony feel amazing.

“I’m going to go to the gym.” Bucky sighed, standing up and opening his bag. Silently he removed his typical gym clothes and changed without so much as a glance at Tony. Not that he didn’t feel the engineer’s stare like a pinprick on the back of his neck. He couldn’t explain his feelings, the jumbled mess that they were inside presently though. He needed to get the surplus out first before things escalated. Whether that be with Tony or the other Avengers.

“Hey.” Tony called softly as Bucky headed to the door, stopping the former Winter Soldier where he stood. Bucky turned around stoically, his face betraying nothing. “Are we okay?”

Bucky nodded with a sigh, his heart clenching at the uncertainty in Tony’s voice. “Yeah, sorry. I just…I need to work out a little bit.”

“Yeah,” Tony nodded not at all sounding as confident as he wanted to. “I get it. I’ll see you later then.”

Bucky watched as Tony lay back down and turned his head away, his posture revealing just how hurtful Bucky’s cold demeanor was. A part of Bucky screamed for him to crawl in behind his lover and wrap him up in his arms and show him just how deep his love went. Unfortunately, a far greater part demanded he go and release the tension that was causing a tingle in his arms and his left arm to ache with the need to beat something hard. He hadn’t seen Steve since their conversation months prior in DC and seeing him, injured and with someone who obviously cared about him so close by was making his head spin. He missed his best friend. He missed Steve. And no amount of cuddling, kissing or love making would undo that.

Most likely against his better judgment, Bucky turned and left the room. He could deal with making it up to Tony later. After he had a better handle on his feelings.

* * *

“Irritated with something, Barnes?” Natasha mused as she entered the gym, her eyes neutrally taking in the scene before her. Bucky was 3 hours into his work out. 3 hours of non-stop physical exertion. And he still felt like shit. Awesome.

“What do you want, Natalia?” Bucky grunted, punching the bag with barely restrained power. He’d already ruined 4 bags and really didn’t think they wanted him ruining another.

“Natasha.” Natasha rolled her eyes and came to a stop just beside the punching bag, looking at Bucky with her arms crossed. “My name is Natasha.”

“Fine, Natasha.” Bucky grit his teeth. “What do you want, Natasha?”

“Why are you here?” Her eyes narrowed on Bucky. At least she got right down to the heart of the matter.

“We wanted to see Steve and make sure he was okay.” Bucky flatly retorted. He knew she was expecting him to lose his cool, perhaps she was goading him into snapping so they’d have reason to kick them out. Well fuck you very much, Natasha. Bucky was on to her sneaky spy ways.

“He didn’t ask for you to come.” Natasha once again reminded him because he hadn’t been told enough yet that Steve didn’t want him here.

“What is your problem? Been too long since Banner put out?” Bucky snapped, crossing his arms defensively. Of course she didn’t even react beyond a raised brow.

“My problem, Barnes, is you two just don’t know when to say when.” Natasha’s tone was no longer it’s usual unrevealing flat. There was a certain hint of annoyance. It was just proof how much she cared about Steve that she was unable to keep her emotions in check about it.

“He doesn’t even know we’re here.” It was a weak defense, he knew.

“He will.” She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. “And what do you think that will do?”

“It’s a little late for us to do anything about it now. He’ll know we were here regardless if we were to leave.” Bucky sighed.

“What was the purpose in coming? We had things under control.”

And just like that, Bucky lost his grip on his anger.

“Under control?!” Bucky bellowed, punching the bag with super soldier intensity to keep himself from physically lashing out at Natasha. “You call what Steve has been doing ‘under control’? He’s been a goddamn reckless punk. He nearly got himself killed. What is so fucking important that would make Steve do _that_?”

“Hydra.” Natasha’s tone was soft and completely opposite of Bucky’s. He could see it in her eyes, she was trying to tell him something without telling him.

“That group will never be extinct. Not entirely. Not ever.” There was more truth in his words than Bucky wanted to admit. He’d love a world in which Hydra failed to exist, but that would never be. The most they could hope for is weakening the group and keeping ahead of them. Eradicating them entirely? No, that was a dream that would never be realized. Then a thought occurred to him and he hated it. It made a chill run down his spine and every hair on his body stand up. “Why is Howlett here?”

Natasha’s raised brow confirmed his thought.

“They’re doing human experimentation.” Bucky hissed, shaking his head.

“You know I can’t confirm anything.” A non-confirmation confirmation that he was right. Logan had been called in to help with handling any mutants that had been created by their experimentation.

“That still doesn’t explain why Stevie has been relentless. I know, Natalia, he’s been on one mission after another. What is he hunting?” Bucky didn’t care that his tone was pleading. He didn’t care that his face was no doubt twisted with emotional agony. He was barely hanging on.

“Hydra.” She stated again, looking him dead in the eye. “Same _old_ Hydra.”

An untrained observer would not have caught the slight emphasis on the word “old”, but Bucky did, and in that one word he knew exactly what Steve was hunting.

“You find it yet?” He clenched his fists tightly, his knuckles going white. Natasha raised a brow in question. “The book.”

“No.” She whispered almost sadly.

“He’s killing himself because you know about the book now.” Bucky chuckled humorlessly. It was so typical Steve. It’d be just like that pain in the ass punk from Brooklyn to nearly get himself killed in an effort to find the very book that could once again turn Bucky into a mindless machine that could be controlled by any member of Hydra. A book that had a specific coding of words that even Bucky himself did not know to activate the programing and erase everything that Bucky was. Even after all the pain Bucky had caused him, Steve was _still_ trying to save him.

“And yet you cannot honor his wishes and stay away.” Natasha spoke as though she were reading his very mind and the way his thoughts were going.

It made sense now, her attitude. Natasha was angry with Bucky because even now they didn’t respect Steve’s wishes. It wasn’t as if he had known what Steve was doing, but he _did_ know that Steve didn’t want to see them and he couldn’t even respect the all American Avenger enough to keep away.

“We don’t deserve him.” Bucky choked on a sob, blinking back the burn in his eyes that promised tears.

“No one does.” Natasha shrugged.

* * *

“Hey, Stark, think you can help me?”

Tony turned around in the small lab he was working in, confiscated by himself shortly after Bucky left him in their rooms. He wasn’t a teenage girl. He wouldn’t just lay there nursing his rejected ego while Bucky pounded on some punching bags. Instead he’d found a small lab, claimed it as his own and began work on Steve’s next suit. One that would be fireproof and if he was correct in his calculations, also bullet proof.

“Whatcha need?” Tony asked with a forced smile as Sam walked into the room holding what looked to be his damaged wing unit.

“Need my wings fixed and since you’re here, figured you were the best man for the job.” Sam lay the damaged jet pack system on the table and Tony immediately got to work. It was a comfort to have the task, something to keep his mind off Steve and Bucky. Those two fucking super soldiers would be the damn end of him.

“Yeah, I can fix this.” Tony nodded absentmindedly. “J, pull up the schematics for the new pack I was working on.”

Sam shook his head with an amused smile as Tony lost himself in the task. His fingers were impossibly fast as he swiped through the visuals on the screen, some he tossed into the little trash bin in the corner and others he tapped on to perfect them. The silence in the room was comfortable, unlike most silences that Tony faced. Sam didn’t feel the need to fill it with mundane chatter and his presence wasn’t the least bit uncomfortable. That was what made Tony feel uncomfortable. Sam had a way of luring a person into a cocoon of comfort and that typically made lips become loose. He knew it was why Sam was so well liked. Man could make you talk about the most painful things without making you feel horrible about it. There was no judgment in his stare and understanding in his tone. He was a dangerous man to be around when you had a lot on your mind.

Tony dragged out the schematic work as long as possible, but like all good things, they must come to an end and he reached a point in which he had nothing additional to alter on an already near perfect system. With a heavy sigh, Tony hit the confirmation to Jarvis to start work on the new flight jetpack and turned to face Sam, his face as unwelcoming as humanly possible.

"What?” Sam asked with fake surprise.

“So, are you going to lecture me? Or is this the part where you get me to spill my darkest secrets?” Tony sneered unattractively. Sam stared blankly at Tony for a moment before heaving a heavy sigh.

“Alright, you caught me.” He raised his hands in surrender. “I’m curious as to what you and Barnes are doing here.”

“Is it _really_ impossible that we care about him?” Tony crossed his arms defensively and glared at Sam, hating how the other man didn’t even flinch. Then again, being on the receiving end of misplaced wrath was sort of his thing. He had years’ experience from that with his work at the VA.

"Is it really impossible to understand that he would question that?” Sam shrugged.

“Well everything was black and white with Steve.” Tony huffed and shook his head. He loved Steve, but it was rather frustrating just how narrow-minded and black and white the super soldier could be.

“Too bad it wasn’t with you.” Sam shook his head with a small scowl.

“I love Steve.” Tony replied hotly.

“Yet you hurt him.” Sam’s look was deep and soul searching and absolutely made Tony feel lay bare. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

“We didn’t mean to.” Tony’s arms flailed outwards before running his hands through his hair roughly. “I never meant to hurt him. He is the last person I would ever hurt.”

“But you did it, repeatedly. You lied to him for months and when it came down to it, you chose Barnes.”

Tony’s posture went rigid and his heart beat hotly against his ribs. “I did _not_ choose Bucky. I would have stayed with Steve. I would have married him!”

“You would have married him with that lie hanging between you two?” Sam asked incredulously. “And you wonder why Steve questioned if you ever loved him.”

“Do you really think it’s impossible to love two people?” Tony sighed. He was exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally.

“No, I don’t think it’s impossible. I also don’t think you loved Steve as much as you claim to.” Sam crossed his arms and hardened his jaw.

“Fuck you, Wilson.” Tony seethed as his arms tingled with the urge to punch the asshole square in his face. “Fuck you and every other asshole who stood at Steve’s side and claimed to be his friend while whispering in his ear your own doubts. What? You didn’t like me having him? Think I’m not good enough.”

“It ain’t got nothing to do with how I feel about you, Stark. If Steve told me tomorrow he forgave you and wanted you back, I’d not say a damn word to him. You think this is personal?” Sam narrowed his eyes slightly, pinning Tony with a calculating look. Tony just shrugged helplessly.

“You say you love Steve and that you never meant to hurt him, yet you didn’t keep yourself from doing just that. You _knew_ what you were doing would not fly with him, it’s why you lied and kept it from him, yet you did it anyway. How is that love?”

Tony’s mouth opened and closed several times silently, his impression of a fish out of water spot on. He found himself absolutely speechless and he hated it. He had zero come back to Sam because Sam was right.

“I don’t doubt you love Steve.” Sam admitted reluctantly. “I can see it in your eyes and in Barnes eyes every time you guys look at him, but the fact is love or not, you two were damn selfish and greedy and neither one of you put Steve’s feelings first. You may love him, but answer me this, are you good for him?”

Tony clenched his jaw to the point that it bordered on painful. He didn’t want to open his mouth because he feared, truly feared, that the truth would come out. That he’d admit he was in no way shape or form good for Steve. Did he love him? Holy fucks yes! Steve would _always_ be in Tony’s heart no matter what. He’d love that damn sweetheart of a super soldier with every breath he’d take. And he hated it because Sam was right, Tony wasn’t good for him. He had been painfully selfish in how he handled things with Bucky. He had convinced himself he hid it from Steve to keep from hurting Steve and while there was some measure of truth in that, if he were entirely honest with himself, he kept it from Steve because he didn’t want to risk losing either man. He knew Steve would be hurt and angry and he didn’t want to lose Steve. But at the same time, he didn’t want to lose Bucky.

“Just think about it, Stark.” Sam softly interrupted Tony’s self-deprecating thoughts. “Steve is one of my best friends and I hate to see him hurt. Especially when it’s completely avoidable.”

Sam turned on his heel and strode to the door, hand reaching for the knob.

“What’s going on with the mutant?” And where the fuck did _that_ come from, Tony? That was not an approved message! Abort! Abort! You don’t actually want to know.

“What do you mean?” Sam looked over his shoulder with furrowed brows.

And this would be a good point for Tony to shrug and say never mind.

“Him and Steve. What’s going on there?” Ah fresh hell, apparently the brain to mouth filter has died.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sam shrugged and if Tony were a less suspicious person, he’d buy Sam’s statement, but he was about as paranoid as they came and suspicious of everyone. Especially anyone close to Steve.

“Bullshit. He looked like he wanted to rip my throat out and his expression would change any time he so much as glanced in Steve’s direction. There’s something going on there.” Tony could feel the bile rising in his throat at the idea of Steve being with someone. Fuck. That’s selfish isn’t it? And just another piece of proof that Sam was right. Fucking know-it-all.

“Maybe.” Sam shrugged and narrowed his eyes before finally turning around and facing Tony again with a sigh and a small nod. “There’s something there. Whether it’s just lust or it’s going to be the great love of a lifetime, don’t know, but I know Logan really cares about Steve and from what I saw, Steve cares about him.”

Tony clenched his jaw and looked away, blinking rapidly to prevent the stinging tears from slipping down and escaping.

“Stay out of it.” Sam instructed softly. “You want to ever have Steve back in your life in _any_ capacity, stay the hell out of this. You owe it to him to let him have the chance to try to move on and be happy.”

“Is he?” Tony looked back at Sam, uncaring that the tears finally escaped.

“He’s getting there.” Sam nodded. “And Logan’s helping.”

Tony nodded, but didn’t reply. What was left to say? And especially with Sam.

* * *

It was a terrible idea. Probably the worst Tony ever had, but he wasn’t exactly known for his logical approach to conflict.

Tony spent 58 minutes pondering his conversation with Sam after the Falcon left the lab. Jarvis was doing all the work needed on Falcon’s jetpack which left Tony to his thoughts. Which was a terrible place to be. Somehow over the course of those 58 minutes, Tony convinced himself that he needed to see Steve. Just a quick glance. To see the man was okay and to maybe have a word with him. So that’s how Tony found himself coming up on Steve’s door and getting ready to disregard Steve’s requests, again, and force his presence upon the recovered Avenger.

“Next time, I’ll set your ass on fire myself.”

Tony came to a halt just outside the cracked door to Steve’s room, his form hidden by the partially closed curtain.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Tony closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip, his throat tightening at the tenderness that laced Steve’s tone. Sure, it was a tone he’s also used with his close friends, but there was something about it that told Tony this wasn’t a friendly type tenderness.

“Yeah, you do that.”

It was the husky sultry hint in Logan’s voice that drew Tony to angle his head slightly to look passed the curtain, but still not be visible to the occupants. Steve was awake now, sitting up in the bed and now wearing simple cotton pants and a dark blue t-shirt. Logan was still at his bedside and in jeans and a white tank that allowed his ridiculously buff arms to be exposed. He wasn’t sitting back like he had been though. Now he was sitting forward, his legs spread due to how close he was sitting next to the bed. His left arm balanced on the rail of the bed, his fingers idly playing with Steve’s hair. Steve’s head was laid back on his pillows, face angled towards Logan and a small content smile on his lips. He was beautiful.

“I worry about you, Steve.” Logan whispered, grimacing slightly at the admission. Steve’s eyes slowly opened and he looked at Logan with furrowed brows. Tony bit his bottom lip hard when Steve’s right hand came up and cupped Logan’s cheek, his thumb caressing his jawline slowly.

“Don’t.” Steve shook his head with a small smile that soon shifted to playful. “Besides, I have you here to keep me out of trouble.”

“Or get you into it.” Logan smirked, leaning forward and it was like a fucking train wreck. Tony wanted to look away. He wanted to do anything but stand there watching as Logan slowly moved closer. Tony wished Steve to pull away and not allow contact, but that was not his life. Instead, their lips met in a soft tentative kiss.

It was chaste. There were no passionate lip movements or tongue caressing. Just a gentle press of the lips as though they were testing it out, but it made no difference. It cut through Tony like a hot knife through butter. Then the thought hit him, if this, a simple chaste kiss was enough to make Tony feel like his heart had been put through the shredder then how bad must it had been for Steve?

And just like that Tony hated himself.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to dig this Logan/Steve thing. Anyone know if there is a ship name for it? ;-)


	6. It’s Enlightening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony makes some startling discoveries about his relationship with Bucky. (Tony/Bucky explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! Mini-chapter! Okay there is a purpose in this. I was writing this chapter when something occurred to me and I wanted to sort of get y'all's feedback which is why I stopped where I did and opted to post a half-chapter. Up until now things have been from Bucky & Tony's POV. So how are y'all feeling about that? Want me to keep it strictly Tony & Bucky? Or do you want to see some Steve POV too? Keep in mind, with Steve POV comes more in depth look at his budding relationship with Logan. So give me some feedback please on what you guys want to see. Thanks!

The energy in the room was off the moment Bucky walked into his shared quarters at the SHIELD headquarters in Johannesburg. It was subtle, but he could feel the energy in the room like an ache in his shoulder on a frigid winter night.

“Done destroyin’ bags?” Tony slurred from the sofa.

Bucky heaved a sigh and closed the door behind him, facing his lover with crossed arms and a forced impassive expression. Drunk Tony wasn’t uncommon per se, but he didn’t exactly have the desire to deal with it right  now.

“When you start hittin’ the bottle?” Bucky asked, earning himself a narrow-eyed glare.

“About an hour ago. Maybe longer.” Tony shrugged. “Whenever I got back from watching Steve kiss up on that asshole mutant.”

Bucky’s eyebrows raised into his hairline despite himself. That was certainly news.

“You saw them? Where?”

“His room.” Tony’s eyes fixed on the glass balancing on his knee as though it held the answers to life. Maybe it did. He needed a few more dozen drinks to know for sure.

“You went and saw Stevie without me?!” Bucky asked incredulously.

“Didn’t realize I needed your permission, Sergeant.” Tony rolled his eyes and sipped at his whiskey. Wasn’t quite the quality he was used to, but it’d work in a pinch and lord knows he was in one right now. He needed to drink until his mind stopped replaying that fucking kiss on repeat.

“Didn’t say you did.” Bucky grit out through clenched teeth. He wasn’t looking for a fight with Tony. In fact, he was just hoping to crawl into bed after a shower and take a nap. He was exhausted in every way possible.

“What’s so great about ‘im huh? The arms? The scruff? What? What makes ‘im so damn special? His codename is Wolverine. I mean, that’s not even impressive.” Tony scoffed, slamming the rest of his drink. The burn felt amazing. It took his mind off that super-hot mutant who was moving in on his territory.

“It’s not my territory though.” Tony mumbled softly.

“What are you talking about?” Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose, willing his forming headache to disappear. Like right now. Before Tony got all drunk maudlin on him.

“You don’t caress my face.” Tony looked at Bucky with furrowed brows. “You don’t date me.”

“You’re givin’ me whiplash here, Tones, what is going on?” Bucky’s feet fell to shoulder width stance and his arms crossed across his broad chest once again. Any other day Tony would have made an innuendo with some brow wiggling, but now he just analyzed Bucky. His expression was one Bucky had seen countless times when Tony was studying some new form of technology.

“Romance, Buck.” Tony’s smile was flat and failed to reach his eyes. “We’re like friends.”

“Of course we are.” Bucky nodded in agreement.

“But are we lovers? Or like, just friends with benefits?” Tony pressed.

“What?” Bucky shook his head in confusion. Tony was making absolutely no sense and he hadn’t the slightest clue exactly what the man was getting at. Hell, he didn’t even know if Tony knew.

“I love Steve.” Tony put his glass on the table in front of him, only further confusing Bucky. “I’m talking marriage love. I would have married him.”

“I know.” Bucky’s voice dipped down softly.

“I would have adopted orphaned children from third-world countries.” Tony looked up at Bucky and shook his head with a bite to his bottom lip. “I don’t want to adopt children with you.”

Bucky’s head reared back as though Tony had slapped him.

"Are we even headed there?” Tony cocked his head to the side and continued to analyze the super soldier.

“Headed where?” Bucky exclaimed, still smarting from Tony’s admission. It wasn’t like Bucky wanted to run out and adopt children tomorrow. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he wanted little rascals at all. What kind of father would he even make? But the very idea that Tony didn’t even want that with him sucked. Bad.

“Future. Marriage. Children. White picket fence.” Tony got off the couch and began pacing the small living room furiously. It was something he did when he was agitated and usually a good indicator for Bucky to back the hell off.

“Is that what you want?” Bucky turned it back on him. He didn’t want to answer the questions because he couldn’t.

“I wanted it.” Tony stopped pacing and looked up at Bucky with a look of total defeat. His brown eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip quivered. “I _want_ it. I want it with Steve.”

Bucky nodded his head with pursed lips, his gaze dropping to the floor. Now he knew what Tony was getting at. He’d been curious how long exactly it would take Tony to get to this point. The point in which he realized he had made a huge mistake and regretted Bucky. He was shocked it took this long to be honest.

“Fine. Want me to leave?” Bucky mumbled softly.

“No!” Tony exclaimed. “Why the fuck would I want that?”

“You were just goin’ on about wantin’ that all with Stevie!” Bucky yelled, looking at Tony with an accusatory glare.

“You don’t think it’s weird that we don’t feel that way about each other?” Tony asked. “That we’re not even heading that way? What are we?”

"We’re lovers!” Bucky cried.

“Are we? Because outside the bedroom we’re friends. Literally nothing changed between us. Even after Steve left.” Tony ran his hands through his hair, forcing it to be askew. “I didn’t realize that absolutely nothing about us had changed until I saw Steve with that asshole. Their expressions. Their touches. It was new and they just radiated new relationship in a way that we never did.”

“So what, you want to date?” Bucky gripped his arms tighter, willing the tingling tin them to subside.

“I want to know what we are! I want to know what you want! I knew exactly where I stood with Steve. Always. I have _no_ clue where I stand with you. Do you even want a future with me? Or is this like, some awesome sex with friends bullshit?” Tony’s shoulders rose and fell with each heavy breath. It was like he had run a marathon, but perhaps he had. Being open and honest with his emotions was always hard. Hell, it was for Bucky.

“What do you want?” Bucky turned it around again because yeah, he had nothing. He had NO clue what he wanted.

“A fucking answer, Barnes!” Tony yelled, tears slipping from his eyes.

“I DON’T KNOW!” Bucky yelled, slamming his jaw shut immediately after and looking down. He hadn’t really meant for that to escape.

“Neither do I.” Tony nodded. “I knew I wanted all this with Steve, but I don’t with you. What does that even say?”

“That we never really worked on a relationship.” Bucky shrugged.

“Exactly” Tony sighed. “We’re not in one. We’re friends who fuck. That’s all we are right now.”

“Do you want more?” Bucky looked up at Tony from under his hair that had fallen over his face.

“I don’t know.” Tony rubbed his face roughly with both hands. “Do you?”

“I don’t want to lose you.” Bucky forced out passed the lump in his throat. “But I don’t know that I’m the picket fence man. Or kids. Or marriage.”

“Are we in love?” Tony whispered, looking at Bucky with pleading brown eyes. He looked so lost and so scared and it killed Bucky.

“Yes, yes of course!” Bucky rushed to Tony and grabbed him, wrapping the man in a tight embrace and burying his face in the man’s neck. He just wanted to lose himself in everything that was Tony.

“Then why don’t we know what we want?” Tony’s hands clenched in the back of Bucky’s shirt, but the other man didn’t reply because what was left to be said? They had rushed into something without really considering all the parts. Their relationship had started from lust and neither of them wanted to admit that. Admitting it would mean admitting they actually hadn’t been in love when they began betraying Steve and that only made it worse. They had just followed their own desires and that’s what it all boiled down to. They had held onto the reasoning of love and “unintention” and never really realized how fucked up they had been.

* * *

How’d they end up here? No, scratch that, Tony knew. He knew how they _always_ ended up here. After all, sex was never an area that Bucky and Tony struggled. They were so in sync when it came to sex it was not even funny. Unlike with Steve, there was never really that awkward stage with them where they had to learn what the other liked and possibly stepped on any toes. Bucky could read Tony like a book and played him like a fiddle. And Tony could do the same for Bucky. Sex was easy for them. It was just perplexing at times how they could switch gears so fast. One minute they were hugging in the living room questioning the depth of their relationship. The next, Tony was pressed against the wall with his jeans and boxers tossed across the room, his legs wrapped around Bucky’s waist and Bucky’s lube slicked fingers stretching him painfully slow.

“Please, Buck.” Tony pant, his head slamming back against the wall to allow Bucky’s questing mouth to lay dirty kisses all along his throat.

“Shh, just relax, baby.” Bucky crooned, nipping at his pulse point. It always drove Tony nuts.

Tony pushed down on Bucky’s two fingers, forcing them deeper. He groaned when Bucky’s thick middle finger nearly grazed his prostate. He had a hard love/hate relationship with Bucky’s preparations. They always had him begging for more and his orgasms were off the charts, but the teasing part could become a bit frustrating at times. Like now. When Tony was passed ready to have Bucky balls deep in him.

“Force my hand again, baby, and I’ll leave you hard and wanting.” Bucky hissed into his ear, punctuating his point with a hard thrust of his fingers. Tony keened loudly and nodded in understanding. “That’s a good boy.”

Bucky continued his slow torture of preparing Tony, sometimes just leaving his fingers stationary until Tony’s body contracted around them, trying to lure them deeper. Bucky would just chuckle evilly and pull them out and tease at his rim. He enjoyed a slow prep. It always put Tony into such a state of desire that Bucky could do just about anything and Tony wouldn’t care. He’d be so desperate to come and when he finally did, he’d damn near black out. It always pushed Bucky over. Tony was gorgeous when he came.

“Please, Bucky, please, please, please.” Tony whimpered when three fingers slid into him with infuriating slowness. He wanted to thrust down, but he managed to hold back. Just barely. It helped that Bucky’s metal hand was squeezing his right ass cheek with bruising force.

“You want something, baby?” Bucky slowly worked his fingers apart to stretch Tony for him, prepare his body for the brutal fucking he was about to receive.

“Please fuck me, oh Jesus, fuck me!” Tony’s eyes rolled back into his head when Bucky found his prostate and with a cruel smile rubbed it relentlessly. Tony’s cock lay heavy against his stomach between them, leaking pre-come with every rub against his most sensitive areas.

“Jeez, Tony, you’re so needy.” Bucky tutted playfully, slipping his fingers out and reaching down to grip his own hard flesh. A few strokes later to lube him up found him pressing against Tony’s thoroughly prepped hole. Tony’s face was pulled into a grimace as he desperately clung to his restraint and not drop his body down onto that thick, delicious pole. He wanted to mount Bucky and ride him to the moon. “You want it so bad, prove it.”

The words had barely left his mouth and Tony was thrusting down like a man in need, both men groaning loudly at the sensation. Bucky watched through lidded eyes as Tony rode him like a pro, his legs squeezing Bucky’s hips as he used them to work his way up and down. Sure, Bucky helped him along with his metal arm, but most of the work was Tony and Bucky loved it that way. Though it appeared Bucky was the one with the control, it was actually Tony. Bucky was nothing more than a cock to be used at this point.

Tony’s head was slamming back against the wall with his effort to come, his hands tightened firmly in Bucky’s hair, yanking in a way Bucky secretly loved. He knew his ass would have dark bruises come the morning from Bucky’s firm grip, but fuck all did Tony love it. He loved the reminder of Bucky when they were apart. It made him feel secure and loved.

“That’s it, baby, use that cock. Fuck yourself like the whore you are.” Bucky grunted, snapping his hips up on Tony’s down thrust to hit Tony’s prostate. He knew he was successful when Tony’s nails dug into his scalp.

“Yes, yes, fuck yes.” Tony chanted, his eyes screwed tightly closed.

“Come on, Tony, come for me. Come on that cock.” Bucky could feel the pull in his balls, the heat pooling in his stomach in pleasure. He just needed to see that Tony got there first.

“More, more, more.” Tony pleaded. He wanted so badly to come and while he could reach between them and grip himself and bring about his orgasm, he _loved_ when he came untouched. Those orgasms were so powerful he saw stars. Literal blinking bright spots behind his lids.

“You better come, baby, or you ain’t comin’ at all. I’ll fill this tight ass and be done with you. Let you walk away hard as steel and come drippin’ out your hole.” Bucky whispered against his ear, biting his lobe hard.

That was enough.

Tony’s body tightened around Bucky as he tipped over. His thighs squeezed painfully around his hips and Bucky was genuinely worried he’d have a bald spot on the back of his head, but he’d worry about that later. He was too busy following Tony over the edge and coming deep inside his trembling lover who was painting both their shirts in ropes of his essence.

Coming back down was a slow process and one they both never felt the need or urge to rush. Tony would hang limply in Bucky’s arms knowing the man was strong enough to hold him up until he gained use of his legs again. Bucky would keep Tony close and savor the feeling of his heartbeat against his chest. It was nice and so uncomplicated that it made it clear why they fucked damn near everyday. Because they did sex well.

The thing was though, as great as this was, fucking was all it was. It pained Tony to think about it, but he really couldn’t deny it anymore. He knew that he and Bucky had never really made love before. They had hot, kinky, passionate sex, but making love? No, they’d never done that and Christ almighty did that hurt to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter the boys will see Steve again and he'll see them. Eek! Also, I'm going to start noting in my chapter summary who is going to be getting their groove on in case people want to skim certain pairings...


	7. It's Stupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team assembles for their first mission together post relationship drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO much for your continued support on this story. I never expected it to be popular, yet alone warrant such amazing and intense reviews, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm working so hard on this story and I hope it continues to deliver. We're going to start getting into the Ultron storyline now so any lines I take from the movies (none in this chapter yet), will be noted with an asterisk (*) as I will not take credit for words that are not my own, but I will be modifying things to fit into the universe I'm creating. I hope you all continue to enjoy and leave feedback. Positive, negative, indifferent, it helps me grow so please continue to let me know your thoughts. :)

“Public displays of affection?”

“Pass.”

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly you run of the mill post-raunchy sex pillow talk, but it worked. After all, Bucky and Tony had agreed they both wanted to make an actual go at a real relationship after it came to their attention just how much of a relationship they were NOT in for months.

Tony lay with his head on Bucky’s bare chest, the soldier’s metal arm wrapped around his shoulders and idly stroking Tony’s shoulder blades while Tony traced non-descript patterns on Bucky’s toned and slightly furred chest. Unlike Steve, who was completely bare chested due to his own genetic makeup, Bucky had a light dusting of dark hair that Tony loved to play with.

“Really?” Tony couldn’t help the slight disappointment that laced his question. Their conversation thus far had been rather…enlightening as to just how opposite the two men actually were. Despite having very similar personalities, their needs were vastly opposite.

“What are we talkin’ here? Hand holding or suckin’ face?” Bucky stared down at the top of Tony’s head. Tony rolled slightly to rest his chin on his hand and met Bucky’s gaze.

“You know, cuddling on the couch during movie night. Posing for pics at events –“

“No.” Bucky carefully pushed Tony off him and rolled to the side of the bed, swinging his legs around to sit up on the edge of the bed, his back to Tony.

“That against cuddling huh?” Tony’s joke fell flat.

“I can’t –“ Bucky cut off with a groan, running his hands through his hair. “I can’t do the whole red carpet thing, Tones, I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

“Okay. So no posing on the carpet, got it. Not an issue.” Tony slowly shifted on the bed until he was behind Bucky, wrapping his arms around the man’s broad shoulders and draping his torso across Bucky’s back. He savored the warmth of their skin pressed against each other. “Any other hard no’s I need to know about?”

“I don’t know.” Bucky admitted sadly. “Groups I guess. It just gets so overwhelming and –“

“I get it. You spent a lot of years in the shadows. It makes sense that large groups make you uncomfortable.”  Tony interrupted softly.

“Yeah, but what about you? You do a lot of parties and events, Tony, you can’t tell me you’ll be happy going alone.” Bucky looked over at his shoulder, his face the vision of worry.

Tony leaned forward and kissed Bucky’s lips softly. “You’re more than just a piece of arm candy. I can always take Pepper or go solo. It’s not a big deal. And the cuddling?”

“I guess I’m okay with hand holding in front of the others.” Bucky shrugged.

“This won’t work if you aren’t honest, Bucky.” Tony couldn’t help the sigh that escaped. He was unsure who was more difficult with their feelings, himself or Bucky. They were quite the pair really.

“I’m just not comfortable with everyone seein’ it.”

“Okay. No cuddles then. No problem.” Tony nodded and kissed Bucky’s lips again before pulling  away to go to the bathroom. He wasn’t running away really, but he did need some space between them. Tony wasn’t overly touchy feely, but he was tactile. It was just who he was and the idea that he couldn’t be that way with Bucky was a bit disappointing, but he could work with that. If it was a hard no for Bucky, he could respect that and make it work. The super soldier was a damn octopus in private so Tony could get his share of cuddles behind closed doors. It would work.

It would.

* * *

0700 came earlier than expected and with the arrival of the meeting came the realization that they would see Steve. Awake. Steve would see them. They’d see each other. And in front of a room full of their fellow teammates. Awesome. Just what Tony needed after his emotionally taxing conversation with Bucky the night before. By the time he had finally left the bathroom, Bucky had lay down and fallen asleep. Or at least he assumed he was asleep seems his breathing was slow and he didn’t respond when Tony called his name.

So of course while he’s still feeling a tad emotionally drained, would be the first time they’d see Steve. He just prayed to whatever deity that Steve had vehemently stated existed that it wasn’t awkward as fuck.

It was no surprise that Clint, Natasha, Sam and Bruce were already in the conference room when Tony and Bucky arrived. 

“Brucey!” Tony smiled widely at his friend and ruffled his hair as he walked by, taking up residence in the seat next to him. “How’s my favorite hunk of green rage monster?”

“You saw me 2 days ago.” Bruce reminded him with a fond smile.

“I know! It’s been forever!” Tony gasped, his hand over his heart. “Did you miss me? It’s okay to say you did. Cold war Barbie won’t kill you.” His eyes flit over to Natasha, who was sitting next to Bruce, and her face was it’s typical indifference. “Or I don’t think she will…”

“You’re an idiot.” Natasha mumbled and turned back to her conversation with Clint and Sam, who were sitting opposite of them.

“You’re just jealous that Brucey-bear loves me more as his science bro.” Tony bat his eyes playfully at Natasha. She merely rolled her eyes and continued talking with Clint about some type of new bow that the archer was getting. Tony would honestly die of shock if he ever heard those two talk about anything other than weapons. Seriously.

“My new wings ready?” Sam drew Tony into conversation with his usual calm demeanor. Tony nodded his confirmation.

“Sure are, Falcon. You’ll be soaring in no time.”

“Cool, I appreciate that.” Tony looked hard at Sam, but found no sarcasm present. Sam was genuine in his appreciation and it sort of put Tony on edge. Especially after their less than pleasant conversation the day prior. Tony shrugged away the thought. He had bigger issues to worry about. Like the sound of Steve coming down the hall talking to Coulson.

"Well, I’m glad you’re better, Cap. We definitely need you today.” Tony rolled his eyes at the hero worship radiating in Phil’s eyes. It had been cute, for like 10 minutes, how much the SHIELD director looked up to Steve, but now it was just irritating.

Tony and Bucky both felt their hearts skip a beat when Steve entered the room behind Phil in his full Captain America ensemble, taking the first seat closest to the door and, Tony was assuming, by no mistake the furthest from Tony and Bucky. The super soldier looked around the room and gave his team members a small smile, but Tony noted it dimmed slightly when he got to them. Much to his chagrin, Logan sat next to Steve and put yet another body between the former lovers.

With everyone seated, Phil dimmed the lights and pulled out a small handheld remote, pointing it to what Tony assumed was a projector at the back of the room. He’d know if he looked, but he couldn’t. His eyes were literally glued on Steve. Perfect, beautiful and smiling softly at something Logan was whispering in his ear. Tony had never wanted to murder as much as he did at that moment. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he had absolutely no room to get angry or even jealous. The demise of his relationship with Steve had really been his own doing, but it didn’t make accepting this latest development any easier. It had been easy, too easy, to pretend he stood a chance when Steve was in DC. Of course, he hadn’t realized just how much he had been clinging to that hope until after witnessing the kiss between Logan and Steve. 

“This, Avengers, is why you are here.” Phil started, clicking his remote to bring up a picture of a middle-aged man. “This is Baron Wolfgang von Strucker, known Hydra commander and leader in human experimentation. Captain Rogers and Black Widow have been tracking him for months and we now have confirmation of his location, thanks to Dr. Banner.”

Tony wanted to smile and be grateful for his brilliant friend, but he couldn’t. There was something about the way Phil kept darting his eyes to Steve that bugged him. They were hiding something and it was pissing him off. It wasn’t like it would be the first time SHIELD had kept something from them, but the shady secrecy from Steve _was_ new and it was something that didn’t set easy with Tony. Steve was an honest person, damn near to a fault, and secrecy was not something he liked let alone do.

“Strucker is currently in a Hydra stronghold in an Eastern European country called Sokovia. It’s small and plagued by war and civil unrest, making recruiting unfortunately too easy.” Phil sighed, clicking the remote and showing a satellite photo of the stronghold.

“We have intel that the scepter is currently within the confines of this stronghold.” Phil clicked his control again to a photo of a scepter Tony recognized. The same scepter that Loki had tried to use on him to gain control. The same scepter he had used on a (currently) very rigid Clint and managed to gain control. “We also know there is some type of impenetrable force field around the building. Stark, we’ll need you to get a scan of the building immediately upon arrival and take that force field out.”

Tony nodded without word, his eyes still glued on Steve who was still looking everywhere but at Tony. Tony wasn’t an idiot. He knew Steve could feel his stare which meant the man was actively avoiding it and that fact was just downright pissing Tony off. How could they work as a team if Steve couldn’t even stand to look at them?

“Thor will be meeting us just outside of Sokovia and then we will engage to get the scepter. It is vital that we get this before they are able to move it again.” Phil turned off the projector and almost immediately the lights came back to full brightness. “Captain anything else you’d like to add.”

Steve immediately stood with a nod and Tony recognized that stance all too well. It was his “I’m about to piss you off, but I’m the Captain so do as I say” stance. One he’d seen quite a few times on missions when he and Steve didn’t see eye to eye on how to tackle an issue. Typically, Steve got his way because there really was no denying that Steve was a great leader and his strategy was usually executed flawlessly.

“We’ll split into 2 teams.” Steve started, looking around at each of the occupants with his stern ordering gaze. “Widow, Hulk, Hawkeye will be grouped together on the ground. Falcon, I need you in the air to cover them. Wolverine, Thor and I will be on the ground coming from the other direction, Iron Man, I’ll need your eyes in the sky.”

Tony was ridiculously pleased to be on Steve’s team, but of course he couldn’t let that show so he merely nodded his understanding.

“What about me?” Bucky’s tone was cold and serious. It reminded Tony too much of his Winter Soldier voice and it sent an unpleasant shiver up his spine.

Steve, never one to back down from a challenge, turned to face Bucky. “You’ll be in the helicarrier with Phil and the rest of the SHIELD team.”

“Why?” Bucky demanded through clenched teeth, his metal arm fisting on the table top.

“You know why.” Steve’s eyes narrowed slightly. Tony looked between the two (former?) friends with interest. They were most definitely having a non-verbal conversation and one that was clearly not making Bucky happy as the man’s posture seemed to get more rigid with each breath.

“I’m a valuable asset to the team.” Bucky seethed. “I’d be better use on the ground.”

“You’d be a liability on the ground.” Steve retorted flatly, crossing his impossibly gorgeous arms across his chest.

“I think you’re crossing a line there, Cap.” Tony cut in before he realized his mouth had even opened. He was met with several blank stares and a set of raised eyebrows from Sam. Steve just looked flat out murderous.

“I’m making the best decision for my team.” Steve’s jaw hardened and his blue eyes radiated the intensity of his fury.

“By leaving a valuable one out? Yeah, not buying it.” Tony shook his head with a pursed lips. Fuck, what was wrong with him? Did he really need to argue with Steve?

“You’re welcome to opt out of this mission, Stark.” Ouch! Use of last name. Yeah, that stung just a tad.

“Let’s be real, you need me.” Tony snorted, hiding his boiling emotions behind his typical bravado. “And you need Bucky. Put him out there too. There’s no reason to leave him out.”

“You made some advancements then?” Duh…what?

“Advancements in what?” Tony’s brows furrowed in question. The other team members’ eyes flit back and forth between the two former lovers as though watching an intense tennis match.

“Exactly.” Steve nodded with a smug expression. “Barnes is out until other issues are resolved.”

“The fuck, Steve?” Tony shot from his chair, consumed by anger and confusion. Mostly confusion and it made him feel off kilter. So really, he was blaming Steve for being so fucking vague. "Either share with the class or put Bucky in. You’re just coming across as the jealous jilted ex-lover right now.”

Oh holy fucks in hell, was that Tony’s outside voice? One look around the room confirmed it. Phil looked on disappointed, Clint and Sam both looked surprised, Bruce looked pained, Natasha and Logan both looked ready to disembowel and Steve, well, Steve looked like you just kicked his puppy. In the face. In a rainstorm. Yeah, this is why Tony can’t have nice things.

"He’s talking about your boyfriend’s programing, you jackass.” Logan growled from his seat next to Steve. Tony shook his head in confusion.

“What programing?” Tony looked back to Bucky who was staring at the table with a furious scowl on his face.

“The one where a single word triggers the transition to the Winter Soldier.” Natasha cut in silkily.

Tony stared at her with an agape jaw. That was impossible. Bucky had overcome the programming. He hadn’t been the Winter Soldier since Steve found him and brought him back after SHIELD was brought down. Bucky would have told him if he was still a risk like that.

“Hydra told all their commanders the phrase to activate the programming.” Steve’s voice shook. Whether it was in anger or sadness, Tony didn’t know because he couldn’t look at him. Not now. Not now that he just verbally bitch slapped the very man he loved and hurt. “We allow Barnes in, they’ll use it and turn him on us. You ready to take out the Winter Soldier?”

Tony’s eyes looked to Bucky and bile rose in his throat. It was obvious from Bucky’s posture that he knew all this. None of this was news to him and wasn’t that just fucking fabulous. Well, at least Tony knew what it was like to be lied to by someone you loved.

“Didn’t think so.” Steve sneered and turned on his heel, slamming the door open and fleeing out it without so much as a glance back.

“We leave in one hour.” Phil calmly stated and followed out the same door Steve had fled through, but at a much more sedate pace. Logan got up from the table and cast one last angry glare at Tony before leaving, no doubt to seek out Steve and console the man. Probably with kisses. And fuck that dick for doing it. And Bucky. Fuck both those goddamn super soldiers.

“Is it true?” Tony asked Bucky, clenching his fists at his side. “Is what they’re saying true?”

Bucky continued to stare at the table and part of Tony wanted to wrap his lover in his arms and kiss up on him because how unfair was it that a stupid single word could entirely change the amazing man that sat before him? The other part was absolutely furious that Bucky had omitted that information from him.

“We have a lead on the book.” Natasha’s monotone voice pulled Tony’s stare from Bucky. “But until we have it in hand and can determine how to undo the programing, Steve’s right, Barnes is a liability. One we don’t need.”

Natasha rose from her chair with ballet elegance and signaled to the others it was time to leave. Clint, Bruce and Sam all followed her without question and the door closed softly behind them.

Bucky sighed and his shoulders slumped. “Tony –“

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tony exclaimed, pulling away from Bucky’s reaching hand. “You knew?!”

“Of course I knew.” Bucky looked at Tony incredulously.

“And you didn’t feel the need to tell me?” Oh, well, that’s how Steve felt. Huh. This was really fucking painful.

“There’s nothing we can do until we have the book and know how to deactivate it. I didn’t want to worry you.” Bucky stood and began pacing the room like a caged animal. Tony could practically see the frustration radiating off him in tangible waves.

“You don’t think this is something I should have known? What if I had said the word?” A million scenarios passed through Tony’s mind, all of them ending with him mumbling some word unknowing that he just turned his lover into a mindless killing machine.

“You wouldn’t.” Bucky sighed. When he stopped and looked at Tony, his eyes were pleading with Tony to understand and he realized that he must have looked at Steve with the same expression when they had originally confronted Steve after he found them naked in bed. He sort of wanted to ask Steve now if he had wanted to punch Tony as much as Tony wanted to punch Bucky right now. How dare that asshole try to get his empathy.

“You lied to me.” Tony choked out.

“I didn’t lie.” Bucky shook his head vehemently. “I just didn’t tell you.”

“Oh my god, a lie by omission is still a fucking lie! You should know! We did it for months to Steve!” Tony bellowed as his stomach roiled in his body mutinously. They had lied right? At the time Tony hadn’t considered it really a lie, but now standing here faced with this truth, Tony was unfortunately realizing just how much he had lied to Steve. They both had.

“I was trying to protect you.” Bucky defended.

“From what?” Tony looked at Bucky with tears in his eyes, it was like seeing the man for the first time. “What do you think I would have done if I had known?”

“You’d have killed yourself trying to fix this, Tony.” Bucky ran his hands through his hair. It a nervous tic that Tony only recently noticed he did. “I couldn’t lose you."

"You are goddamn right I would have helped them try to find it or find a way to give you back your control. Fuck, Bucky, anything else you’re keeping from me?” Tony needed this to end right the fuck now.

“No. That’s it.” Bucky slumped and leaned his back against the wall, staring at his feet. He looked defeated and Tony wanted to hug him. And then punch him for even making him want to hug him because fuck you Bucky for keeping this to yourself.

“I can’t believe you lied to me. After last night. After our discussion about needing to be open and honest.” Tony shook his head in disbelief.

“Really? You’re really going to pull that?” Bucky’s expression hardened in anger.

“We agreed to honesty!” Tony cried. He could feel the tears blurring his vision, but couldn’t find it in him to care.

“I know that, Tony. I know that keeping it from you was wrong, but I don’t regret it. Stevie nearly got his dumbass killed trying to find that fucking book. I couldn’t risk losing you too.” Bucky shook his head and bit his bottom lip. It was obvious he wanted to cry, but was forcing himself not to. Again, it just pissed Tony off.

“So it’s okay for Steve to die?” Tony’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“What?! NO!” Bucky glared at Tony as though the accusation alone was worthy of an ass kicking and perhaps it was, but Tony felt he was allowed a few punches here and there. “I didn’t even know Steve was doing it until we got here.”

“Wow. Way to keep me posted. No really, bravo.” Tony clapped sarcastically.

“I made a mistake, Tony. I’m used to keeping everything to myself. I’m sorry that it hurt you, but I was trying to protect you.” Bucky looked so earnest that Tony knew he actually believed it. And wasn’t that just a punch in the kidneys.

“I can’t deal with this right now. We’ll talk about this later.” Tony turned to leave, but was stopped by a gentle, but firm grip on his shoulder. Bucky pulled Tony back against his chest and wrapped him in his arms, kissing his neck softly.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I would never intentionally do it.”

Tony knew that. He really did because despite everything, Bucky wasn’t a malicious person or vengeful. He was just quiet and too good at keeping his hand close to his chest. He’d spent 70 years being used as a weapon and a tool and it didn’t matter if it was 1 year later or 10 years later, they’d never be able to undo all the programming. It was just the reality of the situation. They may be able to remove the programming that could turn Bucky into Winter Soldier, but they could never undo the years of abuse and pain the man suffered.

"I know.” Tony’s voice cracked as the tears finally escaped. “You’re not an asshole like I am.”

“That was really messed up.” Bucky mumbled, squeezing Tony gently one last time before stepping away.

“I know.” It hurt Tony to admit that, but not nearly as much as the expression Steve had after he had said it. The other man was _trying_ to incorporate them back as a whole team and first chance Tony got he just threw it right back in his face.

“Then why’d you say it?” Bucky raised a brow and looked at Tony with a calculating look that Tony could actually feel on the back of his neck. Tony knew Bucky knew why. He just wanted to hear Tony admit it.

“Because _I’m_ a jealous jilted ex-lover.” Tony shrugged and turned to give Bucky a pained smile.

“You gonna apologize?” Tony nearly snorted at Bucky’s question because they both knew damned well that he would at least _try_ to apologize. Even if Steve punched him in the face for it. Hell, Tony half hoped he would.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

Bucky nodded his head once and for a split second Tony saw something in Bucky’s eyes that he hadn’t really seen in months. That’s when it hit him, Bucky was so used to hiding his emotions and feelings that the man did so damn near constantly. Even to Tony. And wasn’t that just a knife twisting realization?

* * *

Getting Steve cornered was fucking impossible. It seemed his comment did not exactly fly over well because when Tony neared the helicarrier they were taking, Steve was surrounded by his own personal team of protectors. Namely, Natasha, Sam and that dick from hell, Logan. Poor Bruce just looked so uncomfortable. As though being within 10 feet of their drama was too much for him. And hell, perhaps it was.

Tony knew there was zero chance of getting Steve aside privately, so for the first time in a long time, Tony swallowed his pride and walked up to his ex-lover with more confidence than he actually felt.

“Steve.” Tony sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Save it.” Steve snapped and turned his back to Tony to board the helicarrier.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Tony called out before he lost his nerve, earning him a raised brow from Natasha and just a flat out scowl from Logan. “I’m an asshole and while this is nothing new, you didn’t deserve my asshole comment. So, I’m sorry.”

Steve’s back was completely rigid as Tony made his apology and for a split second he figured Steve would just walk on as though he hadn’t been talking, but Steve didn’t. Instead the man turned around and faced him with the most impassive expression he’d ever seen and nodded his head.

“Thank you, apology accepted.”

It shouldn’t really surprise Tony that Steve accepted his apology because if he were honest, it probably wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever said and it certainly wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever done to Steve, but it did surprise him and It took everything in Tony to not weep in relief. Normally he couldn’t care less if he offended someone, but that rule did not apply to those he cared about and that went doubly for people he loved, especially Steve. It wasn’t that he loved Steve more, but he had realized over the last eye opening 24 hours that he loved Steve so differently from how he loved Bucky. While Bucky and Tony shared an intense, passionate love. His love for Steve was quiet, but all consuming in a way his love with Bucky most likely could never be. He hadn’t realized just how much he had missed the man until he saw him and now that he had, he questioned how he had even survived the past 9 months without the original Avenger in his life. He missed their playful banter and mutual love for classic films. He missed their quiet pizza dates in that little mom and pop pizza joint in Brooklyn that had the most amazing pizza Tony had ever tasted. He missed Steve’s adorably amazed face when Tony introduced him to a new game with top of the line graphics. He missed Steve’s sleep mused hair and sweet sleepy smile first thing in the morning. He missed the gentle caress to his back before they went out on a mission, a reminder that Steve always had his back and the firm kiss he received after a mission, as though Steve needed the reminder that they were both okay, even if all the group was present at the time.

Before Tony could make a complete ass of himself…er…an even bigger ass of himself, he smiled at Steve and walked past the group, not missing the way Logan’s body shifted ever so slightly to put himself between Steve and Tony. Which was totally pointless because let’s be real, without the suit Steve could fuck Tony up 6 ways to Sunday. Hell, even with the suit Tony would be ill-matched for the super soldier and that wasn’t even taking into consideration just how well Steve knew Tony’s body and weaknesses.

Without missing a beat, the rest of the team filed on to the helicarrier and took their seats respectively. Tony was half glad Steve and Logan chose seats away from them because he couldn’t take seeing them be lovey dovey. Though Steve took missions very serious, he was very tactile like Tony and typically even before missions Tony found himself on the receiving end of soft touches and flirty smiles. Small gestures that reminded Tony just how much Steve loved him and as Bucky took his seat next to Tony and crossed his arms, resting his head back and closing his eyes, Tony realized just how much he was going to miss those now. Fuck, he really hoped the flight to Sokovia wasn’t long. Or they got taken down by terrorists. Either worked for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Steve POV sister fic is in the works and will hopefully be up and caught up before next Sunday (next chapter posting for this story). Thanks!


	8. It's Honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has time to reflect when he is benched from battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I'm so sorry about the delay in getting this up. My son has been sick so he needed my attention and this sort of just fell off my radar. I'm diligently working on the next chapter which will be the opening scene from Ultron. I was going to mix these two together, but there's been a lot of questions about Bucky's headspace and I wanted to give him his chance to get his side out there. Keep in mind this is just a glimpse as to what's really going on inside his head and will be expanded on more in the future. Hope you guys enjoy! As always, thank you all so much for your support!

Bucky hated being idle. 

Never in his life had he been one to just sit around and do nothing and that went doubly for his current life after spending 70 years as the Winter Soldier. Sitting around doing nothing left time for reflection and that was something he certainly did not want to do. He didn’t need to remember all those he killed. Or tortured. Or the moment he repeatedly punched Steve in his perfect face and the blonde just took it.

_"You’re my mission! YOU ARE MY MISSION!”_

_"Then finish it. ‘Cause I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.”_

Then of course there is the moment he realized he had hurt the first person he’d ever really loved.

Hiding his love for Steve was something Bucky was intimately experienced in. Back in the 30’s and 40’s, men couldn’t love men. Period. Sure, there were those secret meetings in alleyways or in restrooms between fellas, but it was illegal to love someone of the same sex and quite frankly, Bucky had no clue where Steve’s preferences even rest back then. He was painfully shy around women in a way Bucky never had been and he never really talked about dames like Bucky had, so Bucky hadn’t known if he was even interested in guys.

Bucky on the other hand was gay. Circumstances forced him to play a part of course as a total dame magnet. He had a reputation for being a “love ‘em and leave ‘em” type of guy, but that suited him just fine. It was bad enough kissing a girl who he really felt no attraction to, but being intimate with them was a whole new level of hell. He’d bury his face in their neck and focus on kissing their necks, letting them think he was just very affectionate during sex when really his eyes were closed tight and he was imagining a slender masculine body beneath him. One in particular usually.

It had been a dream come true for Bucky when Steve had made an off-handed comment about liking both guys and girls. Bucky had sat there, jaw agape, for tense silent minutes just processing what Steve had said. It seemed like his brain just couldn’t kick back online.

They kissed for the first time that night.

When Bucky finally got his wits about him, he’d asked Steve if he’d ever kissed a guy before. Steve was adorably flustered by the question, blushing and stuttering out that he hadn’t had the opportunity. Bucky would never forget the way his heart fluttered in his chest with excitement, but of course he was the suave one so he reeled it in and casually offered to kiss Steve so he’d at least have experience. Steve’s jaw had repeated the same action Bucky’s had minutes prior and dropped in shock, but he recovered quickly and nodded in agreement.

Kissing Steve had been nothing like kissing dames. Though his lips were impossibly soft and supple, his jaw had been firm and he had been more enthusiastic and aggressive than a woman. It was perfect. All tongue and teeth and battle for dominance. The first kiss quickly dissolved into rutting against one another until both men had soiled their clothes. It was perfect to Bucky though. He had finally had Steve and it was amazing.

And then the war happened.

Bucky enlisted in the Army and Steve’s sole focus was getting enlisted himself. No matter how many no’s he received, the stubborn ass couldn’t take a hint and he kept at it. Steve hadn’t brought up them fooling around so neither did Bucky. Instead, he did what he always did and hid his feelings for his best friend and went back to playing his role.

Rejection from Steve had been a recurring theme for Bucky. Even on his last night before he was due to ship out to England, Steve had disappeared for another last ditch effort to get in. Despite Bucky leaving and their “double date’, which Bucky had secretly been hoping ended early so the two men could spend the night together, Steve stayed true to doing “the right thing” and trying to enlist. It had been the last time Bucky saw Steve before being taken prisoner.

Steve, post serum, was the epitome of hero when he rescued Bucky, though Bucky could not deny the slight ache in his heart to see his best friend now taller and more muscular. He was beautiful. There was absolutely no denying that Steve was a gorgeous man, but he had also been so beautiful before the serum. Even with all his health ailments, there had been a fire in Steve that made him so undeniably beautiful.

They had sex for the first time the night he was rescued.

It wasn’t uncommon for the men to find comfort in one another and many turned their heads the other way because who could deny that the soldiers needed their “release”? So when they stopped to rest only a few hours after the battle, Bucky hadn’t been surprised when a couple of the guys paired off and soon the air was filled with soft moans and the unmistakable sound of flesh slapping flesh. He had been surprised though when Steve pulled him behind some dense foliage and pressed him up against the tree, kissing him passionately. It took all of 10 seconds before his brain reset and Bucky was kissing Steve back with just as much passion.

Clothes were shed and Bucky felt like his heart would beat out of his chest when he felt a spit-slicked finger press against his tightly furled hole. He didn’t even tense. He wanted Steve so badly and pressed back against the finger that was teasing him in silent question for approval. Bucky was prepared easily and he bit a hole in his bottom lip trying to keep his cries quiet when Steve pressed in and sheathed himself in Bucky’s body. Masculinity be damned, Bucky allowed Steve to wrap his legs around his waist and held onto those broad shoulders with everything he had and just threw his head back and let Steve take what was rightfully his.

It didn’t hit Bucky until the next morning, early in the hours as the sun had only begun to dimly illuminate the sky and the group began the trek back. It occurred to him as he was walking, hiding the slight limp his body was demanding very well thank you very much, that Steve had been amazing the night before. There had been no hint of insecurity or fumbling. Bucky swallowed the bile that was threatening to rise with the realization that Steve had known what to do. The guy wasn’t one to sneak looks at nude mags which meant he had to learn how to do that elsewhere. He hadn’t been Steve’s first and that hurt more than Bucky cared to admit. It made sense. Steve was absolutely gorgeous, any man (or woman) would have been lucky to have him. But it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad that Steve had shared that experience with someone else. Someone else who was no doubt undeserving of the amazing man. So he did what he did best. He put that cocky smile on and walked right next to his best friend and accepted yet another rejection from Steve. He could handle this. He could.

Bucky and Steve were intimate a dozen times during the war before the night at the bar. Agent Carter walked in wearing a red dress that hugged her body in a fashion that even a gay man could appreciate. Bucky watched closely at Steve’s interaction with Peggy and knew immediately that there was something there. They hadn’t acted on it yet, that much he knew, but there was something there.

Steve didn’t visit him that night.

In hindsight, he wished he had known that the night before the bar would have been their last. He would have savored it more. He wouldn’t have settled for a quick and rough tumble in the woods and would have worshipped every square inch of Steven Grant Rogers’ body. He’d have done every single thing that had ever crossed his mind during his own fantasies.

That night when he rolled over in bed he vowed to himself that what he and Steve had was done. Steve had a real shot at a happy life with Peggy, hell even some kids, and Bucky wouldn’t stand in the way of that. Steve was more deserving of a happy ever after than any person he’d ever meet and Bucky would do his part to ensure Steve got that.

But Steve didn’t.

No, instead he went down with that goddamn plane.

Bucky had already been taken and the procedure to replace his arm had already occurred when he found out that Steve was gone. Stubborn to the core, Bucky had fought the programming with everything he had until Zola held up a paper in face.

_Captain America Dead_

_A Nation Grieves_

_American Hero Sacrifices Self_

Article after article, all confirming the same thing: the stubborn punk from Brooklyn was gone. Bucky didn’t try to stop the tears. He let them fall and willingly lay back in the chair. He welcomed the bite guard and closed his eyes, grateful that everything that made Bucky Bucky was about to be erased. With that the pain would go. The memories. The questions. He wouldn’t have to remember Steve or his rejections or their history. It would all be gone and that suited Bucky just fine.

Bucky spent 70 years fighting the programming without knowing he was doing it. Confusing snapshots that played through his mind of a skinny boy with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. A blue clad figure with a star on the chest. Passionate coupling with bark scratching his back. Scene after scene. His history with Steve flickered through his mind against his will. He welcomed every “cleansing” because despite not knowing who the blonde man was, the memories hurt his heart. He’d feel sick to his stomach and this ache in the center of his chest. He welcome those painful “cleanses” and like magic those thoughts were gone.

Until Steve found him because of course that asshole had survived and of course he would be the number 1 target for the asset. Bucky had to at least acknowledge that it would have been poetic if he had succeeded in killing Captain America, but he hadn’t. Steve had broken through that programing with one word, “Bucky?” Like a snowball down a mountain, it gained momentum and grew and culminated in their emotional fight on the helicarrier. As he watched Steve’s body fall, the damn broke and all the memories came rushing back. Steve. Steve. Steve.

It would always be Steve.

Bucky had jumped from the helicarrier and swam into the depths to pull his unconscious friend out and swam downstream, pulling him from water and leaving him on the shore. He watched from a distance as Steve was located by a redhead who he recognized, but couldn’t quite place and a man clad in metal. The red and gold robot had landed right next to Steve and Bucky could not hide his surprise when it opened up and a good looking brunette stepped out and dropped down to his knees next to Steve. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but it was obvious that the man was upset and the redhead was trying to calm him down. Then the brunette raised Steve’s hand and kissed it. Before Bucky had a chance to even process what that had meant, a car drove up and Steve was ushered away to safety, leaving Bucky hiding in the bushes.

It had been painfully easy to locate information on Steve after that day. He’d learned his friend had survived the plane crash, one that was deliberate, because of his serum. Steve had awoken years before and became part of an elite group known as the Avengers. He had helped save the world from aliens. He had once again become the beacon for hope and apparently more when he came out as bisexual and confirmed he was dating the brunette man Bucky had seen.

Anthony Edward Stark.

Of course it had to be a Stark. Bucky had rolled his eyes when he found out because if the Junior version was anything like his old man, he would be a skirt chaser something fierce, but as it turned out, Stark Jr., or Tony as he liked to be called, was unlike his father in that regard. Bucky could see it in his dark eyes when he looked Steve just how much he loved the man. He saw the same level of love reflected in blue eyes.

And he fucking hated it.

How un-fucking-fair is it that Steve would end up falling in love with a man. A sassy, mouthy, brunette. Why did it have to be Tony? Why couldn’t it be a dame? It certainly would have hurt a fuck ton less.

Bucky had resolved himself to living alone and letting Steve go, but apparently his best friend had other ideas because only 4 months after the downfall of SHIELD, Bucky found himself face to face with a solemn Steve Rogers. He hadn’t even been dressed in his ridiculously adorable, and oh so damn sexy, Captain America gear. Bucky had returned home from some light grocery shopping and when he entered his run-down apartment in New Orleans, he’d been met with a khaki and polo-wearing Steve. The blonde looked perfectly calm sitting on his armchair, elbows on his knees and hands clasped between them.

_“Hi, Buck.”_

A simple smile was all it took to undo the resolve Bucky had formed. He was so smitten with the man he hadn’t even noticed the redhead, Natalia, standing in the corner and watching Bucky like a hawk. She no doubt had multiple weapons hidden on her person despite wearing dark washed skinny jeans and a green form fitting shirt. He didn’t care though because Steve was standing up and slowly approaching him, blue eyes sparkling with hope.

_“We can help you. Please let us help you, Buck.”_

Bucky had no words. He just nodded and swallowed the lump when Steve pulled him into a tight hug and buried his face in Bucky’s neck.

_“We’ll get this all taken care of, Buck. I swear it. Tony is already working on it.”_

Tony? Oh yeah, the brunette boy toy Steve was shacking up with.

Except…he wasn’t a boy toy. He was in his 40’s and damn handsome despite his attitude. Tony hadn’t welcomed Bucky with open arms like Steve had assured him he did. In fact, Tony had been a downright dick to Bucky those first few months. He had made little to no effort to hide his irritation at Bucky’s presence, but he stayed true to his word and helped clear Bucky’s name. Not only that, he also helped Bucky get his Army pension, back pay included leaving Bucky in a position that working wouldn’t be necessary for a long while, or ever really if he could keep his spending reasonable. Bucky hadn’t really understood why Tony did it until one night he overheard the two men talking in the kitchen.

_“I just wish I knew why you didn’t like him.” Steve sighed heavily and Bucky could hear the disappointment in his voice._

_“Oh, you mean your long lost boyfriend? Gee, let me think.” Jesus, what did Steve see in this sarcastic asshole?_

_“He was just my friend, Tony.” Apparently this was a conversation they’d had a dozen times if Steve’s exhaustion was anything to go by._

_"_ _A friend huh? You nail Barton? Maybe Bruce?” There was an uncomfortable pause and Bucky wished he could see the pair from where he was hiding in the hallway. “I didn’t think so.”_

_“Bucky is just my friend. Yes, we had sex before during the war, but a lotta guys did it, babe. It was war and it was nice break. He’s my best friend. You’re the man I love. I just wish you two could get along.”_

_Well fuck all if that didn’t hurt to hear. Bucky wasn’t dumb, he knew his encounters didn’t mean the same to Steve as they had to himself, but damn did that hurt to hear._

_“I’m sorry.” Tony mumbled and Bucky could hear shuffling. “I just, I love you so much, Steve, and I know there’s history there with the Manchurian Candidate and I just –“_

_“Got insecure?” Steve sounded amused._

_“NO!” Tony scoffed and Steve chuckled softly. “Okay, a little. I just don’t want to lose you, sweetheart.”_

_“You won’t.” Steve whispered._

Bucky had crept back to his room after he heard the unmistakable sound of kissing. As much as it hurt, which was a metric ass ton, Bucky resolved himself to trying to get along with Stark Jr for the sake of Steve. If only to make things easier on his best friend because that’s what best friends did right? After all, Steve’s boyfriend was helping him out for the sake of Steve.

So Bucky began the slow process of getting to know Tony and it turned out the two had a lot in common. They shared similar tastes in music. They were both sarcastic and surly. They both enjoyed the older Japanese Kaiju films and, though Tony didn’t know at the time, a shared love for a certain blonde. Becoming friends with Tony turned out to be a lot easier than Bucky had planned and as time marched on, he found himself even seeing what Steve loved in him.

Tony was a very generous man and he was the most generous with those he cared about and loved. Pepper and her husband, Happy, lived in a gorgeous penthouse apartment within walking distance of the Avengers Tower. It had been completely refurbished and furnished by Tony. The Avengers all lived in the Avengers Tower and were always bestowed with amazing upgrades to their gear. Steve had an endless supply of the highest quality art supplies and a gym that would make the best fighter envious. Even Bucky had been on the receiving end of Tony’s generosity in the form of a new arm.

That was the night he realized he cared about Tony too.

While his attraction to Tony hard started because of his own love for Steve, over months it grew into a playful bantering type relationship in which the two men began toeing a line. Though Bucky knew in the back of his mind it was wrong, he couldn’t stop it if he wanted to. Tony was like a magnet pulling him in and really, it was Tony’s love for Steve that drew Bucky in the most. Steve smiled in a way Bucky had never seen when he was around Tony and the same was said for Tony. The man absolutely glowed in the presence of Steve. Their love was absolutely incredible to bear witness to and any person would love to be on the receiving end of it. So when Tony began flirting casually with Bucky, almost in a teasing and testing fashion, Bucky met his flirts with ones of his own. Steve just rolled his eyes with a soft smile and went back to whatever sketch he was working on. The 3 of them together meshed well.

Ultimately though, Tony and Bucky crossed a line in their quest to be selfish. Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He knew his actions were selfish when he began the affair with Tony. They both wanted each other, and Steve, and in their minds it made sense because really they were the perfect trio. Tony and Bucky were so similar and they found a passion in each other that neither had with Steve, but they also needed Steve. He was their rock. He was caring and kind and grounded Bucky and Tony in a way that they couldn’t ground each other or themselves. Steve forced honesty out of them and forced them to not run away from things. Hell, there had been many times Bucky just wanted to punch Steve in his perfect pretty face because he wouldn’t let up and let Bucky just hide, but he knew why Steve did it. He was their North, their leader, their love.

And yet they destroyed him.

It was something that Bucky hated himself for. He knew that everyone thought he wasn’t sorry about hurting Steve because he wasn’t as outspoken about his feelings and in his quest to just get things back to where they were he had been less than sensitive to Steve’s view of things, but dammit, he just _needed_ things to get back to where they were! He needed Steve to forgive Tony and him. He needed his best friend back. He needed Tony to have that rock back because he couldn’t be it. He wanted to be, but he couldn’t. That wasn’t him. Fuck, he depended on Steve so much when they were kids and though history didn’t show that, always portraying Bucky as Steve’s savior, it was actually the other way around. Steve was passionate and strong in ways that Bucky wasn’t. Not even back before being broken by Hydra.

He wanted to say that he could be everything Tony needed in a lover, but he couldn’t. As much as it killed him to admit it, if only to himself, he couldn’t be the man Tony needed him to be. As the side piece, Bucky was perfect for Tony. He gave Tony that passion and fire and that connection of being broken in a way that Steve just never could understand, but as a lover? Bucky avoided arguments as much as Tony did. He lost himself in their coupling as intensely as Tony because neither of them was really adult enough to say things weren’t working. That one of the only reasons why they had worked for the 9 months they kept at it after Steve left was because both were still holding out that hope that Steve would come back. It was selfish, he knew, but he also knew that if Steve would give it a chance, he could be happy as well.

Would they ever get the chance to prove that? Probably not. Their own selfish actions probably destroyed any chance they had. They had handled their growing attraction all wrong and he ultimately ended up hurting the first man he ever loved. Hell, still loved. He loved Steve. He always had and he always would. He knew his actions didn’t reflect that, but it didn’t make his feelings any less real.

Fuck, Bucky hated being idle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are eager to see Steve's POV, I promise you I AM working on it! It's just taking a little longer and with little dude sick I didn't even try this week. Sorry! :( I did create the story (Just A Lie; Part 4 of this series) for you to subscribe to so you all know when I post chapters. My goal is to get caught up and then post to both stories at the same time.


	9. It's Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers assemble for the first time since the demise of Tony and Steve's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An asterisk (*) will note any lines taken directly from Ultron. Enjoy!! :)

If hatred were on a scale of 1 to 10, Tony was at “go die in a fire, you worthless fuckstick” level. So, about 666.

JARVIS had already told him, three times, that it would be “less than ideal” for him to “accidently” wipe Logan off the face of the Earth with a well-placed blast from him suit. J just didn’t understand the level of fuckery this mutant dick brought with him.

What was his crime?

Being a fantastic fighter and working flawlessly with Steve. Come on, who the fuck does that? Especially having only been fighting alongside Steve for 6 months, 1 week and 3 days? Not that Tony had hacked into SHIELD’s servers to find out _that_ little bit of information. Of course not, that would be wrong. Nor did Tony advise JARVIS to run an extensive background search on Logan. That, too, would be wrong.

“Sir, might I suggest you pay attention to your flight path?”

Tony rolled his eyes at the mother hen that was his AI. A tad mistimed too seems seconds later he ran into the force field that was surrounding Strucker’s stronghold.

“Shit!”*

“Language.”*

Tony knew Steve’s response was automatic, but that didn’t make him any less giddy to hear it. For even just a split second he could kid himself into believing things were back to normal.

“JARVIS, what’s the view from upstairs?”* And Steve was back in Captain mode. Yeah, that still did things to Tony’s libido that he didn’t want to think about. He still hadn’t altered the suit to accommodate any ill-timed erections. Perhaps he should move that to the top of his to-do list at home.

“The central building is protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker’s technology is well beyond any other Hydra base we’ve taken.”* JARVIS informed them as though they weren’t aware that Strucker was clearly messing around with things far beyond their world. And what’s this “we” shit? Okay, yeah, J helped out with the building layouts, information, aerial views and…oh, fuck it. He was part of the team.  

“Loki’s scepter must be here. Strucker couldn’t mount this defense without it. At long last.”* 2 points to Thor, God of Thunder and Commenter of the Obvious, ladies and gentlemen.

Tony tuned out the comm chatter, only vaguely catching Natasha criticizing their speed followed by Clint’s own brand of snark. Though Tony had to hand it to him, he was pretty damn good with sarcastic comments in the midst of battle. He wasn’t really caring though as he was too busy watching Steve flip over his motorcycle to use it to throw like a weapon at a vehicle that was heading towards him. And why would he do that and leave himself without any mode of transportation? Oh, yeah, right…Logan. The mutant pain in Tony’s ass who rode up seconds later on his own bike and threw his arm out, catching Steve’s and whipping him around so Steve was now riding bitch behind him. It was like watching a goddamn choreographed stunt. If it wasn’t Steve and that over muscled dick monger, who Tony absolutely would _not_ admit looked amazing in his black cargo pants and leather jacket, he would have maybe given them kudos for how flawless it had looked. But it was Steve and claw having douche nugget so it wasn’t happening. No, he’d rather just fly above them and watch over their shoulder because safety bitches. It was his job to keep them safe. And it’s not stalking if he was ordered to do it.

“Stark, you got an eta on taking out those guns?” Do what now? Was Sam high? Oh my god, was he? Oh that’d be amazing to find out if Falcon had some major drug habit and –

“Sir, the city is taking fire.”* Ohhhh, _those_ guns. Okay, back in the game, Tony. Get your head on. Prove to Steve and everyone else that you’re still an exceptionally valuable member of the team and able to do your job without the whole gigantic hot pink polka dot elephant traipsing around affecting it.

“Well, we know Strucker’s not going to worry about civilian casualties.”* Tony was relieved that he sounded calm and professional because dammit he was. “Send in the iron legion.”*

Tony focused on taking out the guns and missile launchers on the central building while his trusty robots did their business down on the ground. Though it was appearing their specific type of help was less than desired by the civilians. He’d already gotten notice that one of them had been vandalized. Ugh, didn’t people realize that they were there to help?

“Clint’s hit!”* Well then, shit just got real. Tony’s eyes flicked to the small section in his view that displayed the locale and status of each of the members. Did the other Avengers know their suits had sensors that tracked their health stats? Eh, probably not. Thankfully though it appeared that Clint’s injury, while painful, wasn’t particularly life threatening at the moment.

“Stark, we really need to get inside.”* Tony ignored the way Steve sounded out of breath and the telltale clank of his shield slamming against their opponent. Steve was a fighter. He was good at it. He was okay. And push come to shove he had that…guy…beside him. Though, he also had Logan in Johannesburg and look how _that_ turned out.

“I’m closing in.”* Tony called before getting shot with the energy weapon of Strucker’s men. Well, he’d see their shot and raise them one pulse. Two men down and countless ones to go, hell was he close? “JARVIS, am I closing in? You see a power source for that shield?”*

JARVIS immediately had it and like the grown up Tony was, he wanted to poke it with something. Tony shot a missile on the path laid out by JARVIS and was pleased to see it hit exactly as anticipated. “Drawbridge is down people.”*

Tony followed his infrared tracking around the building, only absentmindedly hearing Steve and Thor discuss getting Clint evacuated, the super-fast enhanced they had come across and Steve and Logan helping Tony secure the scepter. Truthfully, Tony stopped listening as soon as he heard Logan’s name even uttered. He knew it wasn’t mature, or healthy, to have this level of hatred for a person, but ugh, he couldn’t help it. Besides, he had business to handle.

“Sir, I’m getting high energy readings in the area.” Good ol’, J. Keeping him focused.

“On it, J.” Tony flew through the window and rolled his eyes at the immediate gunfire he was met with. For hells bells sakes he was in a damn metal suit. “Guys, stop, we gotta talk this through.”*

A few well-placed eye flicks later put small shots into non-life threatening points in the enemies’ bodies and he was secure to push forward. “Good talk.”*

Tony moved through the stronghold, following JARVIS’ readings and was unsurprised to find himself in a small room and one scientist standing at a computer. Before the man could react, Tony shot a pulse at him and knocked him out allowing him to park and step outside the cumbersome suit. Like he had done countless times before, Tony linked up his own technology, ordering JARVIS to get copies of everything and send to Hill. Of course the scepter wasn’t inside the room. That would be too easy and not to mention idiotic.

“I know you’re hiding more than files.”* Tony mumbled under his breath, looking around the room for some sort of telltale sign of where the scepter may be hidden. He could have gone through room after room, but where’s the fun in that? “Hey, J, give me a IR scan of the room, real quick.”*

“The wall to your left. I’m reading steel reinforcement and an air current.” JARVIS replied after the Ironman suit scanned the room.

“Please be a secret door, please be a secret door, please be a secret door.”* He was a kid in a candy store. Everyone knew the good stuff was always hidden! Tony pressed carefully against the wall, sighing when it gave way. “Yay!”*

The hallway in which was revealed was dark, cold and ominous. Which only further proved to Tony they were hiding the good stuff down there. It was cliché how the enemy always played into stereotypes. Hidden doorways, dark tunnels, good shit tucked away. Luckily, Tony was smart, and a tad dumb enough, to follow down the dingy corridor that carefully descended further into the mountain in his quest.

“Guys I got Strucker.”* Steve advised them just as Tony entered the basement room and his eyes landed on a physical manifestation of one of his biggest nightmares. 

“Yeah, I got…something…bigger.”* Tony knew he sounded damn near breathless, but sue him because exactly how did Tony even put into words how absolutely disarming it was to see that (hopefully) dead armored wormlike creature that had helped terrorize New York. The same creature that had played roles in his countless nightmares and panic attacks. And oh holy hell biscuits, don’t have one now.

With every ounce of strength Tony had, he pulled his vision away from that monstrosity to focus on his task. Find the scepter, find the scepter, find the scepter. Say it three times right? Or was that Bloody Mary? Eh, same difference.

The basement type room proved to be large and filled with varying stages of build of robots. Tony wanted to poke around and see exactly what they had been playing at when a blue glow caught his eye. He was man enough to admit, to himself, that seeing the scepter made his heart pick up double time and his palms sweat. How could it not? It had been used to control Clint and nearly control him. It had brought out the worst in them and even made Tony say words to Steve that years later he still regret because Steve was amazing and though the serum made him stronger, faster, taller and bigger, it in no way made him the man he was.

“Thor, I got eyes on the prize.”* Tony’s voice shook and his eyes glittered, but he could do this. He could grab the weapon that Thor and Steve had been tracking for months. He _could._

Suddenly, without warning, an eerie sensation crossed over Tony’s body. The disoriented feeling after being struck over the head, but no preceding hit. Tony blinked, gently shaking his head of the sensation that didn’t want to leave. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand and a cold chill shoot down his spine. He hated it. It felt like…like the first time he had seen the aliens invading New York. Proof that they were not only not alone in the universe, but not even the strongest or most advanced. It was a disarming feeling. The chill gave way to the pinprick at the base of his skull that told him he was not alone.

Heart beating rapidly, Tony slowly turned and jumped back in shock when the alien worm came to life. Tony watched with horrified eyes as it flew on and into a view that had not been there moments prior. Oh god, he was having a meltdown. It finally happened. Tony finally cracked. Before him rest his teammates, Hulk, Widow, Hawkeye, Thor and Falcon, all lying dead and defeated. At the front was the worst image Tony could ever imagine, Steve lying motionless next to his broken shield.

“Steve, sweetheart?” Tony brokenly whispered, feeling his former love’s throat for a pulse. Steve jerked alive at the touch, grabbing Tony’s wrist in a painful hold, tears slipping down from his beautiful blue eyes.

“You…could’ve…saved…us.”* Steve choked out slowly, blue eyes slowly becoming devoid of life. “You…could’ve…saved…me.”

It was the most pain he had ever experienced. Watching the life leave Steve’s eyes and blood trickle from his nose. He knew it wasn’t real. It couldn’t be, but it didn’t make the pain any less horrific. His heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces and he was sure he had never felt anything more painful, and that includes the arc reactor being put into his chest.  

“I’m sorry.” Tony choked out. And he was. Oh god, he was sorry for everything. For all his wrongs. For all his mistakes. For every time he failed Steve because at the end of the day none of his other failures mattered to him as much as knowing he failed Steve.

“Why didn’t you do more?”* A voice whispered in Tony’s head. One that sounded eerily similar to the blonde haired love of his life. Why didn’t he do more? Why didn’t he appreciate Steve? Why didn’t he talk to him? Why didn’t he tell him how he felt? Why did he fuck up, over and over and over? Why did he expect him to forgive him? The room was closing in and his vision was narrowing. No, this couldn’t happen. Not here. Not now. He had a mission and Steve was counting on him. He could do this. Dammit, Tony, do this!

Tony blinked away his tears rapidly, turning his eyes away from Steve and looked up in time to feel his stomach drop. In the sky appeared the same hole in space that haunted his dreams, one that was allowing the aliens to once again arrive at Earth to no doubt destroy it and kill all of humankind. His mouth went dry at the thought of Pepper and Happy and Rhodey, all defenseless, all waiting on him to save them. He watched helplessly as the worms swam through, as graceful as they had in New York. A tear finally escaped when he saw a lone figure riding on the back of one worm, dark hair, darkened eyes and a smirk he’d seen countless times.

“Bucky!” Tony cried out to his lover, standing up from his squatted positon and gasped when the scene shifted again and suddenly he wasn’t watching Bucky ride the back of an alien battle worm as Winter Soldier. Nor was he standing beside the dead body of his love. He was still inside Strucker’s stronghold and still beside the scepter. Tony’s head shot around quickly and yep, still there and the worm was still dead.

Tony ignored the sweat pouring off him, hand shooting out and calling to his Ironman gauntlet. With experienced precision the metal wrapped around his hand and he determinedly walked to the scepter. Perhaps what he had seen had been a glimpse at a future if Tony didn’t get his head out of his ass and do something to protect those he held so dear to him. He knew one thing for sure, he sure as hell wasn’t going to stand around and let it happen. Not if he had anything to say about it.

* * *

“Babe, you okay?”

Ugh, if Bucky asked him one more goddamn time, Tony was going to put a bullet in the man’s head himself. He had been a forsaken mother hen ever since they arrived back at the helicarrier, all through their quick debriefing and had already asked twice since they’d been on their quinjet back to New York.

“Yeah, fine.” Tony mumbled for the umpteenth time, focusing all his efforts into uploading information into his computers. Sure, J did it already and he didn’t really need to double check, but it was something to occupy his time and his thoughts because really what did he say? That he had a vision? ‘Cause that would go over well. Yeah, babe, totally great, just sort of had this premonition of our teammates dying and you going darkside and my worthless ass just hanging out doing nothing. Not to mention, it kept him distracted from the other miscellaneous conversations going on. Thor had already made one blunder about Hulk’s victims, Natasha seemed cross about it, Steve and Logan were in their own corner whispering furiously and Clint was just lying about. Luckily Dr. Cho was en route from Johannesburg and with Bruce’s approval, would be set up in his lab and ready for Clint when they arrived.

“You’ve been off. What’s going on?” Bucky pushed once again because letting it go would just be too damn easy.

“Nothing.” Tony closed his eyes and willed the image of a dead Steve to leave his mind. It had been playing over and over like a horrible repeat in his head. “Just tired. A little out of shape maybe.”

“Bullshit.” Bucky grit his teeth and Tony knew it wasn’t fair to push Bucky away, but he couldn’t do this right now. Not right now. Not with so much already hanging over their head between them and now the shit that went down in Sokovia.

“Look, Bucky.” Tony sighed, turning in his chair to face Bucky head on. As expected the man was standing there with his arms crossed and face pulled into a frown. “We’ll talk about it later. I just…I need a few minutes to decompress, okay?”

“Fine.” Bucky grit out and huffed a sigh. “But we are talking about this later.”

“Sure.” Tony nodded with a forced smile. “Right after we discuss you keeping the whole programming book thing from me? Sound good?”

Bucky’s jaw clenched and he narrowed his eyes on Tony, a look that might have made a weaker man look away, but not Tony. He was pissed off, and rightfully so, so screw Bucky Barnes and his own brand of hypocrisy.

“Fine.” Bucky turned and walked away, throwing himself roughly in the seat next to Natasha and whispering to her in Russian with a murderous scowl. Natasha looked unphased as always.

Tony steeled his nerves and glanced over at the scepter lying in front of Thor and now Steve and Logan, all three men looking at it closely.

“Feels good, yeah? I mean, you’ve been after this thing since SHIELD collapsed.”* Tony glanced at Thor, his face the picture of false calm. “Not that I haven’t enjoyed this little raiding party, but –“

“No, but this..”* Thor trailed off, hand hovering over the very scepter his brother had used in his foiled attempt to claim Earth. “This brings it to a close.”*

“As soon as we find out what else this has been used for. I don’t just mean weapons. Since when is Strucker capable of human enhancement?”* Steve’s intense blue gaze was locked on the scepter and Tony could almost swear it was intentional. Not that he really could blame Steve, it wasn’t exactly comfortable being around each other again with that gigantic elephant hanging about.

“Banner and I will give it the once over before it goes back to Asgard. Is that cool with you?”* Tony raised his brows at Thor and was pleased the man didn’t immediately deny his request, nodding slightly in response. “Just a few days ‘till the farewell party. You’re staying right?”*

“Yes, yes, of course. A victory should be honored with revels.”* Oh god love that big blonde dope and his always happy attitude.

“Yeah, who doesn’t love revels?”* Tony mumbled with a small smile to hide the lump that was forming in his throat. “Captain? You’re planning to stick around too, right?”

Steve hesitated, opening his mouth and closing it almost as quickly and blue eyes darting over to Logan, who was watching Tony with a thinly veiled calculating look. It was as though he were trying to read Tony’s mind and fuck all did Tony actually feel like perhaps he was. Tony wanted to bite his actual tongue off than offer to let Logan stay, but…

“Your old war buddy here is welcome to stay as well, of course. Help share in the celebration.” Tony put on his, hopefully, most welcoming smile. He could do this. After all, wasn’t having Steve back in his life as a friend better than not at all?

Steve seemed to struggle with his decision before looking over at Logan with a raised brow. The very action made Tony want to open the emergency exit and throw the mutant out of the plane.

“Professor don’t need me back so, up to you.” Logan shrugged.

“Yeah, come on, Cap, can’t have the team leader skipping out on our big revel!” God he hoped he didn’t sound like he was begging.

“Hopefully this puts an end to the Chitauri and Hydra.”* Steve stated flatly before giving Tony a small, damn near impossibly to see, smile. “So yes, revels.”*

He was not going to throw his fist up in the air and fist bump like a goddamn teenager. He was above that. But he would nod all casual and hope like hell his excitement and hope was radiating in his brown eyes. He assumed he must have failed given Logan’s eyes narrowed even more and his lips dipped down into a scowl.

“I’ll have a suite made up on the same floor as yours.” Subtle, Tony. Real subtle. About as subtle as a hippo in a kiddie pool.

“That won’t be needed.” Logan gave Tony a small smirk, clearly enjoying the way Tony’s face paled slightly. “I’ll just stay with Steve.”

Did someone crash the plane, therefore killing Tony? Was he in hell? He was pretty sure he was in hell because what the hell?! Logan and Steve were shacking up?! The fuck? They were sharing some chaste-ass Junior High quality peck just the day before and now they were sharing rooms? Again..the fuck?!

“Uh, sure.” Tony nodded after Steve failed to correct Logan and that was just fabulous how his face became flushed. Great. Just great.

* * *

So, apparently hell is a pretty shitastic place. It’s not full of demons and eternal fire. It’s a quinjet, in flight, with the most uncomfortable silence raging on. Natasha and Bruce were cuddled up on their bench seat, looking all warm and cozy. Sam was lying down across another bench seat, arms crossed and sleeping quieter than any human being should be able to sleep. Clint was passed out due to the drugs pumping into him. Steve was asleep and sitting slightly leaned over so his head rest on an also sleeping Logan’s shoulder. Logan had his hands clasped in his own lap, but his head was leaning against the top of Steve’s. Thor was awake, but quietly reading book 6 of the Harry Potter series, having been turned on to it by Darcy. And Tony was sitting in the pilot’s chair, pretending to fly while Bucky stared a goddamn hole into the back of his head. 

It was annoying really. For starters, Bucky hated talking about emotions almost as much as Tony did and on top of that, he had been holding back information from Tony. So exactly who in the hell did he think he was? Well, since he clearly wasn’t going to be able to avoid it, might as well embrace the argument with Bucky and get it over with.

“J, take the wheel.”* Tony mumbled, hoping to not disturb any of his sleeping teammates. As expected, his AI took over controls, allowing Tony to leave the captain’s chair and move passed the sleeping group and into the very back of the quinjet and into the small storage room it had. They typically held extra ammo in it, but apparently this jet hadn’t been loaded as the smallish 7’ x 7’ room was empty.

Tony leaned back against the wall, eyes closed and waited. It was not even remotely surprising when Bucky entered the room behind him and closed the door.

“You gonna talk?” Let it not be said Bucky Barnes pussy-footed around an issue.

“I don’t know, are you?” Tony cast an accusatory glance towards the other brunette, irritated with how impassive the man looked. Not that he wanted the fight with Bucky, but fucking aye was it frustrating how hot and cold he ran.

“What’s left to say?” Bucky shrugged. “You’re pissed I didn’t tell you.”

“No shit!” Tony scoffed. “I had a right to know!”

“Jesus, Tony, it’s not like I kept it from you to be an asshole. I didn’t want to worry you.” Bucky crossed his arms and his beautiful lips pulled down into a small scowl.

“Oh, but I’m supposed to just be an open book?” Tony mimicked his boyfriend’s…wait, were they boyfriends? Had they established that they _were_ boyfriends? Fuck it, he could worry about it later, he mimicked Bucky’s posture, matching closed off arm cross with a closed off arm cross. Two could play that game.

“What do you want me to say? I thought I was doing the right thing. There is nothing you can do to change this so why make you worry about it?” Bucky was so damn earnest that Tony nearly caved, but he didn’t because it still smarted. It sucked that he was even able to hide it without remorse.

“You should have told me. I shouldn’t have had to find out like _that._ ” Tony spat, surprised slightly himself by the intensity of his response. Apparently being embarrassed in front of your ex-boyfriend and his new boyfriend was a sore subject as well.

“You wouldn’t have found out if you hadn’t been a dick to Stevie.” Russian spy super soldier say what now?!

“Are you kidding me?” Tony’s voice cracked it was so high-pitched.

“It’s true.” Bucky shrugged nonchalantly.

“You’re an asshole. Has anyone ever told you that?” Tony breathlessly said, feeling like the air had been knocked from his lungs.

“Everyday.” Bucky deadpanned.

Suddenly and if from out of nowhere, Tony felt exhausted. Everything was catching up to him and he felt like it was a real threat that he may lose it any moment. Especially now that he had seen what could happen. Fighting with Bucky solved nothing, but moving past this and focusing on preventing that scene from happening did solve something.

“I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m tired. It was a long day and only made longer by watching Steve with that asshole.” There, not quite a lie, but you know, not exactly truthful.

“Howlett’s a good guy and was a damn good soldier. What is your problem with him?” Bucky shook his head in confusion.

“Because once upon a time _I_ backed Steve up.” God, admitting that hurt way more than he planned on.

“So you’re jealous?” Bucky looked at Tony with a flare of humor dancing in his eyes.

“Like never before.” Tony whispered and dropped his gaze down to his feet because shit was getting just a tad too heavy for such a small room.

“I get it.” Bucky nodded and slowly walked over to Tony, wrapping the smaller man up in his arms and resting his head on top of Tony’s. “I miss him too.”

“He’s right there –“

“But he’s really not.” Bucky interrupted Tony softly, gently squeezing him tighter.

Bucky was right. Though Steve was physically with them and would be staying at the Tower once again, it mattered very little. Steve, despite his physical location, was miles away. And Tony knew he had company in the form of one large, muscular mutant. Steve was slipping further away than he had ever been before and it absolutely terrified Tony.


	10. It's a Revel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team celebrates their success with a revel and Bucky reaches his breaking point. (Tony/Bucky Explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delay. Real life, man it's a killer. So this chapter was actually supposed to include Ultron, but it was turning into a beast of a chapter so I broke it up. Ultron will be coming up in the next chapter. Thank you all so much for your continued support on this story!! Enjoy!

Living with Steve had to be worse, if you could believe this, than living without him. Especially when Tony could not touch him. Or flirt with him. Or apologize profusely and beg for forgiveness because one thing became abundantly clear in the days following their return to Avengers Tower: Steve was absolutely, undoubtedly getting involved with that mutant from hell. He wasn’t over the top in his affections. It wasn’t like Tony had walked in on them in a compromising position. Hell, it wasn’t like he had walked in on them doing anything other than sparring, but he could see it. In the small flirty smiles Steve gave Logan. Or the way he leaned into Logan’s touch. Or the way he let his hand casually land on Logan’s thigh during their one movie night. Tony had been so excited for the group to once again sit down to watch a movie like old times that he hadn’t even cared that Logan had joined. It had been so exciting to have the group back together that he found it easy to not let the fact that Steve sat on another couch bother him. The first 30 minutes of the movie Frozen, Thor’s choice, had been actually entertaining. That was until Tony chanced a glance over at Steve. It wasn’t the first he had done that night. He probably logged at least 20 glances in that 30 minute window, but this time he was met with a very different scene. Steve’s hands were no longer clasped in his lap. Nor was Logan’s arms crossed. Logan’s right arm was now resting comfortably on the back of the couch and his hand was obviously playing with the back of Steve’s neck while Steve’s left hand sat way too high (in Tony’s opinion) on Logan’s thigh. They both were still watching the movie, but there was a small hint of a smile on Steve’s lips. And worse, there was one on Logan’s mouth too.

The movie had sucked after that. Turns out Hans was a total douche, Kristoff had a rather questionable closeness to Sven and Steve had found comfort in Logan. When Anna was frozen, Tony could see Steve visibly flinch, no doubt finding himself having flashbacks to his own time on the ice, but was calmed by a firm grip on the back of his neck. Tony absolutely seethed with jealousy at how easy it came to Logan. How naturally it looked. There was no awkwardness about it and when the movie was over and everyone slipped off to bed, Tony hated knowing that Logan would be in Steve’s bed. What did that asshole ever do right to deserve Steve?

* * *

“Mmm, fuck, harder!” Tony moaned, face pressed against the pillow, both hands held hostage in small of his back in a firm metal grip. He loved nights like this. Nights when he was taken apart of thoroughly by Bucky. It was like the man knew when he needed it a little more rough than normal.

“What’s that doll? I didn’t quite catch that.” Arrogant dick. Tony could actually hear the smirk on that mouth that had so beautifully prepared Tony’s hole before he slid in with infuriating slowness. His speed hadn’t picked up much since. It had been too many minutes now of the painful slow pace.

“Bucky! Please, please, please!” Tony whimpered and attempted to thrust backwards in vain. It was difficult to do so when you didn’t have your upper body to help. And his cheek and chest that were shoved into the pillows didn’t count.

“Aww, you sound tired baby doll. Should I stop?” Bucky was a fucking asshole from hell. Curse him and his amazing cock and mad skills in the sack. He pulled out until only the fat head of his prick teased Tony’s stretched rim, taunting so evilly.

“NO!” Tony cried, arching his back and desperately trying to get Bucky back in motion.

“You sure?” Bucky teased further, catching on his rim, but not quite pressing in. It was beautiful torture. “I don’t want you to be _too_ tired for our revel tomorrow. After all, you are the host.”

Tony was done. 110% done. He yanked on his arms in a specific way, alerting Bucky to immediately release them and like the good, caring boyfriend who understood safe words and safe signals, he released Tony’s hands. The engineer promptly pressed his hands down on the bed, pushing his torso up and allowing him the leverage to slam back on the delicious thick pole that was teasing him to insanity. Bucky seemed surprised by Tony’s aggression only briefly before grabbing his hips firmly. Tony feared for a moment that Bucky would use his strength to stop Tony, but he didn’t. Instead Bucky helped drive Tony back on him faster while thrusting into him hard.

“That’s it, baby, fuck that cock. You greedy come slut, always want to be full don’t you?” Bucky grit out between loud slaps of their bodies.

“So good. So. Fucking. Good.” Tony squeezed his eyes shut as the familiar curl licked at the base of his spine with every brush of Bucky’s cock against his prostate.

“Come for me doll, you know you want to. Dirty up this bed like the slut you are.” Bucky growled into his ear, and when the fuck did he lean down? Tony immediately lost his train of thought when Bucky bit the junction of his neck and shoulder hard while simultaneously thrusting in hard and deep. When Tony felt the hot pulse inside him signaling Bucky’s climax, Tony pushed over with very little warning, painting the sheets beneath them with his essence.

Minutes passed. 10, 2, who the fuck knows. All Tony knew was when he came to, he was laying on his side, with the lights off and Bucky was carefully removing the soiled top sheet from their bed. He strode in all his gorgeous naked glory over to the hamper and tossed in the sheet before grabbing another one and unfolding it and draping it over the bed and Tony’s naked form. Seconds later he climbed in next to Tony and wrapped the man up in his arms.

“You didn’t tuck it in.” Tony chided him playfully, nudging Bucky’s leg with his foot.

“Not your mother.” Bucky grunted into Tony’s neck. He most definitely sounded on the brink of passing out and who could blame him? He had done a beautiful job taking Tony apart.

“Thank god for that.” Tony quipped. He enjoyed the blissful feeling that accompanied a good romp in the sack, but hated how it didn’t last like it used to.

“What’s on your mind?” Bucky’s voice nearly startled Tony in the dark. He had thought the man had fallen asleep, but apparently not.

“Nothing.” And didn’t that just sound suspicious.

“Bullshit.” Bucky nipped at Tony’s neck in warning.

“It’s stupid.” Tony finally admitted into the darkness of their room. It was easier, not easy, but at least easier to discuss his feelings in the dark. When Bucky couldn’t see his face or give him that penetrating stare.

“Then why’s it bothering you?” Fuck Bucky and his logic.

“Because I can’t change it.” Tony sighed, rubbing his eyes that felt tired yet attached to a body and mind that wasn’t so.

“What is it?” Bucky pulled away slightly and Tony knew he was trying to make out his lover’s form. He was probably succeeding too. The man had impossible night vision. Like, Tony wondered if he was part cat or something.

“I just,” Tony swallowed against the lump in his throat. When the hell had it even formed?! “Did you see Steve and that dick?”

Silence.

Longer silence.

Uncomfortable silence.

“What about them?” Bucky’s tone was a bit on the hard side with a hint of something Tony couldn’t quite make out.

“They were all cuddly during the movie.” Tony absolutely did _not_ sound petulant. Except, he sort of did.

“So that’s why you wanted to be fucked hard tonight?” And there’s that hint of something. Was it jealousy? No, that didn’t make sense.

“What?” Tony asked, slightly perplexed by Bucky’s question.

“I’m right here.” Bucky admitted softly, much softer than his voice had been before.

“I’m aware.” Because, yeah, obviously.

“Fucking Christ.” Bucky barked as he roughly pulled away from Tony, reaching over and turning the light on. Tony figured he wanted to merely look at him, but felt his heart absolutely seize in his chest when the super soldier began getting dressed very quickly and very angrily while doing his damn hardest to not look back at the bed.

“What the hell?” Tony squealed, sitting up and trying to grab Bucky’s arm. Bucky pulled away roughly and turned back on Tony, glaring at the man in a way he never had before. Tony hated how he flinched away with a slight hint of fear.

“You’re never happy are you?” Bucky asked in a forced calm, his eyes pinning Tony where he sat. “I just fucked you within an inch of your life and what? The whole time you were thinking about Stevie? I’m right here, Tony! I’m right here, in _your_ bed, fucking _you_ and you are where? Mentally in Steve’s bed? Or were you just wishing I were him?”

“What?” Tony choked out because quite honestly asking anything else would be fucking difficult. He had never heard Bucky so angry or sad before.

“I get it. You miss him. I miss him too.” Bucky admitted, crossing his arms across his chest in a defensive gesture. “He’s my best friend and I loved him and I know how bad it fucking hurts to see him and know that we will never get a shot with him. To know that I fucked things up with him and because of that I don’t get to sit here and be fucking pissed about him trying to move on with his life. Who cares if he’s fucking Howlett?”

Uh, Tony. Tony cares very much. Except Tony can’t say that. Or anything. Because he’s frozen in fucking place while James Buchanan “I don’t ever talk emotions” Barnes loses his shit.

“I’m right here, Tony! You wanted me bad enough that you fucked over Stevie to get it and now you sit here obsessing over him! Pick one! Who the fuck do you even want? Do you even know?!” Bucky yelled and it absolutely tore Tony’s heart out to hear that pain in there. “You _have_ to let him go! He’s not coming back! The best we can hope for is having him as our friend and you know what, that was good enough for me. I could handle that. I could live with having my friend back because that was better than nothing, but you, fuck, you’re not happy with that are you?”

“I don’t…” Tony trailed off, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders helplessly because trying to describe his emotions was like trying to explain a landscape to someone who has always been blind. How do you even describe the many shades of color? Or textures? How do you articulate that level of beauty?

“I can’t do this anymore.” Bucky whispered and his head slumped. He looked so incredibly exhausted and defeated and perhaps he felt that way. “Let me know when you decide.”

Bucky turned away from the bed and strode towards the door with purpose, leaving Tony on the bed, mouth opening and closing much like a fish out of water. Tony felt like his heart was breaking, again. He couldn’t lose Bucky. He couldn’t lose them both!

“I love you.” Tony said as Bucky got to the door, mentally sighing relief when Bucky stopped. Though he didn’t turn around, Tony knew he at least had his attention. “I do, Bucky, you _have_ to know that.”

Bucky nodded, but made no move to turn around.

“I just, I love him too.” Tony watched Bucky’s back, willing himself to continue. “I…I can’t let him go. I can’t believe that it’s done. I don’t want to lose you, god, that would absolutely break my heart, but I _can’t_ lose him.”

Bucky stood ramrod straight, so still that Tony questioned if the man was even breathing anymore. The tension mounted with every beat of Tony’s heart and with a forced calm, Bucky slowly turned around and the look in his eyes sucked the oxygen from Tony’s lungs. He was the epitome of defeated. Perhaps even worse than when Tony had first met the man.

“Then you should have thought about that before you hopped into bed with me.” Tony hated how Bucky’s voice cracked. He hated how tears flooded those beautiful eyes. He hated how the brunette man turned around and walked away without so much as a glance back. The click of the door signaling not only the end of their conversation, but perhaps even their relationship. Tony didn’t even try to stop the tears that fell. Instead he curled up on the bed with Bucky’s pillow and just let himself feel.

* * *

The revel was going off as to be expected. Tony was surprisingly on time, though Bucky assumed so giving he had been working in the lab with Bruce, like every day since their return with the scepter running numbers on an unknown project, and of course Bruce wouldn’t be late given Natalia would have kicked his ass. So Tony was on time and looking gorgeous as ever in his dark suit and tie, mingling with his many guests and talking with Thor and Rhodey. He looked good, though Bucky didn’t miss the dark circles that were under his eyes nor the way his smile failed to meet his eyes. It was obvious to Bucky that Tony hadn’t slept much the night before, much like himself.

After fleeing from his shared room with Tony, Bucky found himself in the gym pounding on punching bags. He hadn’t realized how much time passed until Clint walked in with Natalia and both shared a look that signaled they were speaking without actually uttering a word. Bucky didn’t stick around long after that. He only stayed until it would be less obvious that he was intentionally avoiding talking to people and then he found solace in his old rooms that were still kept up for him. He hated them. They were cold, empty, too far from Tony and too close to Steve. He hated knowing that the two men he loved were both so close, but emotionally so very far.

Bucky stayed in the confines of his room until JARVIS advised that Tony was asking about him. Now, he was standing on the balcony outside looking in and watching the party. It felt safer this way. He had tried to mingle, but as the party grew in size, so did his anxiety. He wondered if the day would come that he would ever feel comfortable in a group again. Probably not.

“Mind if I join you?”

Bucky looked over at the door and saw Sam standing there, looking at him with a neutral expression.

“Feel free.” Bucky gestured to the empty space next to him and returned his focus to the party. Tony was still speaking with Thor, though Rhodey had walked off with Maria Hill. Across the room Steve stood in his pressed blue button-up shirt and black slacks, laughing while talking with Howlett, who was dressed in a nice pair of black slacks and a black button-up shirt that was rolled to his elbows. The shirt looked to be Steve’s, given how it was pulled tight across his chest. It made something ugly twinge in Bucky’s gut, but he ignored it.

“Man, Stark knows how to throw ‘em huh?” Sam chuckled while shaking his head. “Are his parties ever small?”

"No.” Bucky answered immediately because really? This _was_ Tony Stark they were talking about here.

“It’s nice though.” Sam smiled and nodded at nothing. “Nice to see everyone in the same room and getting along.”

Yeah, that it certainly was. Though Bucky didn’t say that because though Sam was indeed a very nice man, he was Steve’s good friend, not Bucky’s and Bucky still felt a pang of guilt at how he had nearly tried to kill Sam back in DC.

“You okay, Barnes?” Sam asked gently, looking over at Bucky with an open expression that practically screamed ‘talk to me’ and damn if Bucky wasn’t tempted. “Things seemed a bit tense for you tonight.”

“What?” Bucky asked in surprise, his brows furrowed in question.

“I don’t know,” Sam shrugged. “You just seemed tense and doing your damn best to stay away from everyone…including Tony.”

Bucky tensed at Sam’s mention of Tony and he caught how Sam looked at him out of the corner of his eye. He hated Sam and how observant the man was. It wasn’t normal.

“Everything’s fine.” Bucky denied and dammit, he knew he was too aggressive when Sam snorted.

“Yeah, I can see that, that why you’re bending the railing?” Sam gestured with a nod of his head at the railing Bucky had been leaning on and apparently distorting with his firm grip. Bucky released the metal as though it burned him. “It’s cool man, lot of stuff going on. Don’t think Tony will care too much.”

“He won’t care at all.” Bucky admitted. “He doesn’t care about much these days.”

Sam didn’t say anything and he didn’t need to. There was one thing that Bucky had learned about Sam and that was the man was good at getting you to open up because he didn’t force it. No, instead he remained quiet and kept an expression that never wavered. No judgment. Nothing at all. He gave off the feeling like talking to yourself. It was no wonder he was contacted by Hill so much to talk to agents after bad missions.

“Sorry, I’m not much to be around right now.” Bucky grit his teeth and looked back at the party, eyes immediately seeking out Tony and once he established the man was okay his eyes went towards Steve, ensuring he too was okay. He was and if his smile was anything to go by, he was very okay with standing that close to Howlett.

“It’s okay, man, no worries.” Sam shook his head and looked back at the party, donning a half-smile at Steve’s obvious amusement. “Good to see him smile again.”

Bucky went rigid with Sam’s words and though he knew Sam hadn’t meant anything by it really, it still damn stung to know that Steve had been in any bad way because of Bucky. He was supposed to be Steve’s best friend and yet he had just railroaded past that line you didn’t cross as a friend.

“Good to see everyone working together again too.” Sam looked down at his shoes, sighing heavily. “Hopefully it sticks. I know it’s been damn hard on Hill and Coulson having us spread out.”

“You think Stevie will stay?” Bucky asked despite the small part of his programing that was demanding his silence.

“I hope.” Sam shrugged. “I love having him in DC, but this is home, ya know?”

Bucky nodded because yeah, he did know. Even he wanted to move back to Brooklyn.

“I think he would be happier here, back home and back with the team.” Sam narrowed his eyes slightly and pursed his lips like he was thinking. “Perhaps having Logan around will encourage it too. I know he’s probably itching to be closer to the school.”

Bucky remained silent, but inside he was at war. A huge part of him wanted Steve to move back to New York and for their team to get back together. It would be fantastic to have them all together again, but another part, a small selfish part hated the thought. Steve’s homecoming would just bring out more feelings in Tony and at this point Bucky wasn’t even sure where he and Tony stood. Steve returning home now would just throw their own relationship further into chaos, but then, wouldn’t that just be poetic justice? After all, he and Tony did cheat on Steve. Wouldn’t it just be the perfect ending if Steve’s return was what tore Tony and Bucky apart?

“Looks like it’s calming down.” Sam gestured to the rapidly emptying room with his hand. “Perhaps we should rejoin the team to celebrate our success.”

Sam looked over at Bucky with a soft friendly smile that Bucky couldn’t help, but return. He was a good man. A brave soldier and an outstanding human being.

“You don’t gotta talk to me, Barnes.” Sam stated softly before turning towards the door. “I know something heavy is going on between you and Stark right now and it’s none of my business, but if you want to talk I’ll listen.”

Bucky blinked in surprise, staring at Sam, but outwardly giving away nothing.

“Tony can’t accept that we lost Stevie.” And where the hell did _that_ come from?! Sam seemed just as surprised as Bucky by his admission, his eyebrows shooting into his hairline.

“You think you have?” Sam asked, cocking his head to the side.

“I’m not stupid.” Bucky grunted and looked back at the group that was now gravitating towards the group of couches. Tony was still saying his goodbyes to his guests, eyes casually darting over to the group betraying his attempts to hide his desire to join them. “Stevie is a good man, forgiving to almost a damn fault, but I don’t think he’ll forgive this.”

“Why not?” Sam asked sounding genuinely surprised.

“Back in the day, I could blame it being illegal on my messing around with dames. During the war I could blame the military. After Hydra, it was the mind control. What I did with Tony,” Bucky shook his head with a humorless laugh. “I did it because I wanted to. I wanted Tony and I went after him. Nothing to take the blame for that other than my own selfish needs. Stevie always let me off too easy, but now, this, I broke his heart and betrayed him. We ain’t comin’ back from that. The best I could hope for is having my friend back.”

Sam nodded and crossed his arms, chancing a glance back into the room before taking a deep breath. “I don’t know what Steve wants to be honest, Barnes, but I know he misses you guys. Whether that’s as friends, teammates, lovers, I don’t know.”

“He’s got something going on with Howlett.” Bucky watched Sam carefully for any reaction, but the man gave none.

“That’s his business.” Sam shrugs. “Right now though, I think we should make it our business to join our team.”

Bucky nodded his head because he could hear the slight edge in Sam’s voice. It wasn’t so much a suggestion as it was an order and he couldn’t blame Sam for wanting to actively avoid talking about Steve’s private life because Sam was right, it was Steve’s business. He just hated that lost any right to talk to Steve about it.


	11. A Note From Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long time no chat?

A Note From The Author: 

Hey everyone! So long time no write eh? Over a year in fact.

First, I’m so freaking sorry you guys. As a reader, I loathe when a writer falls off the face of the Earth in the midst of a fic you are seriously emotionally invested in. I get why people have probably unsubscribed and/or just written this fic off. The over 13 month long sabbatical was not planned, I can tell you that. I was going to take a breather for the holidays and then in January, 2017 come back strong and finish this, but I really struggled. Hard. The work I was writing was crap. There is no other way to say it, it was just pure crap.

I have said it a couple times, but I never intended this to be a chaptered fic. I got an idea, I ran with it and then all of a sudden there was interest and I continued to run with it. I didn’t have this fic mapped out or an endgame in my head. I was sort of shooting from the hip and if I’m totally honest, had I mapped this out, it would never have come to be. The thing is, I hate infidelity. I’ve been Steve. I’ve had my heart broken from it so I typically bypass stories about it and then somehow this idea came to mind and the next thing I know I’m writing chapters and asking myself WTF was I thinking?!

The reaction also surprised me, truth be told. I totally expected the rage on behalf of Steve, but I didn’t really plan on the whole “who cares?! Tony and Bucky need a happy ending” sort of reaction. That had me perplexed and as an author, I found myself straddling the hard line of writing something I feel is right and writing something that makes my readers happy. I want you guys to be happy, I really do, but I found myself becoming unhappy writing this. I started dreading working on this story and as a byproduct, my work absolutely sucked. I lost my mojo for this story and there were actually times I contemplated abandoning it entirely. Hell, even one day I almost deleted the entire series! That’s who much I grew to dislike writing it.

I didn’t do anything crazy, obviously, so instead I took a break. A LONG break and I did some soul searching and I decided that I need to finish this. As a reader, it blows when an author just ups and skips town and you’re left going “NOOOOOOOOooooooo!” and I always promised myself I wouldn’t do that so yeah, I’m getting back in the saddle.

So what’s the point to this long drawn out note? It’s simple, to warn you. In order for me to finish this, I have to follow my own gut and my own heart. Yes, they’re characters and yes it’s a story, but if I’m going to write it, then it needs to be something I like. Otherwise this thing will never get done and this fandom has a TON of Tony lovers and I think quite a few are reading this so yeah, I’m warning you. I’m a Steve/Captain America fan. Always have been, always will be. I’m team Happy Ending For Steve. I’m not saying Tony and Bucky end up miserable because I don’t really see them as villains, just selfish dicks who made some mistakes, but their happy endgame is NOT a priority for me.

So if you are a huge Tony lover and don’t like when an author points out their flaws, feel free to unsubscribe. If you just flat out hate Steve as a character and don’t care if he ends up miserable, feel free to unsubscribe. If you are only here for the Tony/Bucky happy ever after, feel free to unsubscribe. It may be easier for some of you to just not follow this portion of the story and come up with your own headcanon because chances are I’m not going to give you what you want.

I’m also going to go full disclosure here and say once I start putting out chapters again (working on the next one right now actually!) I may turn on comment moderation and may avoid reading them. I’m sorry, I truly am. I know a lot of you have your ships and I get it, I do, but I have mine too and as the author, I’m going with my ships. There are a ton of awesome fics out there, please don’t feel like you need to stick around for mine if it’s not going the way you like and seek out something that you will be happy with. I’m not going to bend on this. Hence, my chickening out and possibly not reading the comments for fear of the hate. LoL.

Again, I’m very sorry from the bottom of my heart for the insanely long break in this fic. As I said, I’m working on the next chapter and I have mapped this story out so I know where it’s going and I’m happy with it so here’s hoping that we can all get through this and come out relatively unharmed. Thank you guys! You’re awesome.

XoXo,

HallowsEve


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